Her turn...

It's funny how different your children are. And it's funny how different your reactions with them can be. When Moose left for camp, I cried like a baby. We dropped Fep off for camp on Sunday evening, and I only teared up a small bit. You'd think it be the opposite....Moose went for only 2 1/2 days to a kid's church retreat. Retreat. Fun, fun, and more fun. Air conditioned bunk houses. Fep is going to camp. Camp. Learning, learning, learning, and a little fun. No air conditioning. None. That is so important to note because our highs for the last 3 days have been in the triple digits. Fep went to an Audubon Ecology Camp. She will learn so much...and before we even left the bird instructor was already impressed and smitten by her. When it's all said and done she will have been gone 5 nights, 4 days. The longest 4 days ever. I'm only 2 days in and it's already been an eternity. So while the tears may not have flowed like they did for Moose, the longing to get my little Fep back is definitely there. I thought about her a gazillion times each day and prayed for her every time I thought of her....Lord let her make a friend...Lord let her be safe...Lord guard her mind and her heart...Lord let this be a great time for her...Lord keep her safe....Lord guard her mind and her heart....over and over with every thought of her. My last image of Fep was her about to cry when it was time for us to leave. I keep thinking of that and it just makes my heart sick. And that really is a good description for my feelings. Though the tears may not have flowed like a faucet...my heart has been sick with the absence of my Fep. I cannot wait to get her back!

Oh Lord, keep her safe....let her have a good time...guard her heart and mind...

Something Beautiful...

I made time. I pushed the work to the side and for an hour I went swimming with my children. After I got out of the pool, I laid on the hammock to get good and dry and even get a little sun. I set the timer for 15 minutes which was all I had left to spare of anything that looked like free time for the day. I turned on my iPod and "Something Beautiful" by Need to Breathe started playing. Suddenly, I was 15 again and laying out in my backyard with a small radio playing. I was seeking that savage tan...not caring at that age how unhealthy it is to "lay out". But being 15 again was something beautiful. And laying there on that hammock, Moose came and curled up beside me. Yes, we found the lost "I love you". That too, was something beautiful. I thought about Dawn as I always do when I hear that song, cause she often has it playing on her blog. And "the lady with the smiling eyes" really is something beautiful. And finally I thought about a nameless lady at church. I call her nameless, because I don't know her...although I want to. A few weeks ago, we had baptisms. They ran some video testimonies, and the nameless lady had the sweetest, most genuine testimony. It truly touched my heart. And when the pastor baptizing her asked her before submerging her in the water if she'd given her heart to Jesus, she said with a smile, "You know it." I giggled and tears filled my eyes. Her new believer enthusiasm for Christ was contagious. The following week they ran video of the baptisms and it was done with "Something Beautiful" playing in the background. And my eyes caught what my ears did not. After the nameless lady came up out of the water, she pumped her fist in the air as she proclaimed victory. Victory in Jesus was hers. She knew it, too...and she knew it was something beautiful.

And with all those random thoughts running through my mind as I laid on that hammock, I found that my 15 minutes was up. Who knew that 15 random thought filled minutes carved out of a busy day could be something beautiful?

The lost "I Love You"...

I thought that he might want to, ya know. Even though he's nine years old and really far too old for them...suddenly last night he was my baby again.

((a flurry of activity occurs in our house as we get Moose ready for church camp...his first trip away....alone....by himself....ever))

Me: Moose do you want to take your Peep?

((I was prepared to tell him how he could smuggle it in his suitcase and pull it out a night

when nobody could see))

Moose: ((Shakes head no))

Me: Oh. You want to be a big boy?

Moose: Yes Mam.

So, we finished packing with The Bob labeling everything that went into his suitcase with his initials, address, and the like. I think he labeled everything with that Sharpie except Moose himself. Me constantly telling him where his Benadryl and his Epi-Pen were in his backpack should he get stung by a a bee...or even worse, a wasp.

This morning we got up in plenty of time to get him to church. His dad left for work before anybody was awake, so he called him to tell him bye on the ride to church. Then he passed the phone to me, and The Bob talked to me about being very upbeat and not all sad and whinny so that Moose could in turn be a big boy and not be scared. We pulled into the parking lot, and the church rented a big charter bus. He's never ridden on such a big bus, so already the adventure was beginning. After waiting for the final parents and children to arrive, and after a brief summary and prayer by the Children's Pastor, the parents were told they could go. So in my very upbeat and happy voice, I told Moose bye...and we left. My last shot of him was out of the corner of my eye. He was headed toward some little boys...surely going to make friends. He makes friends easy.

((In the parking lot))

Fep: Are you about to CRY?

((strange that she knew because I had on sunglasses and she couldn't see my eyes))

Me: I'm thinking about it.

((In the car))

Me: ((Tears begin to stream)) I don't think I told him I love him. Fep, you know I love you even when I don't say it, right? Surely, he knows I love him.

((I drive contemplating how much of an idiot I would look like if I turned around, went back to church, and hugged him and told him I love him...))

I was so concerned about being all upbeat and happy and trying to ease his nervousness that my "I love you" got lost. Surely he knows from all the other times I tell him. I really do tell him often. And really, how could you not love a Moose like this....