When you really begin to love....

"Why would God give us Jimmy and take him so soon?" asked Moose.

He had brought Jimmy home almost two years ago. On Halloween.  And the joke was that most kids brought home candy that night, but my child brought home a kitten.  Fep who wanted no part of cat ownership let it be known for several days that she was not happy that we now had a cat in the house.  But over time, that kitty worked it's way into her heart...and mine...and The Bob's too.  We were dog people....but now, we are cat people as well.

Last week Jimmy became suddenly ill.  So, ill that the vet told us he may not make it.  And Moose asked the question.  Why would God take Jimmy?  I do realize that this is a pet, and not a person.  But he was Moose's fast friend, and he loved him so.  And all I could tell Moose is that sometimes we just don't have answers as to why.  And the answer, although true, seemed to fall short. 

Over the next several days, I remembered a post that I had read by Ann Voskamp. It's a post about spending time with her aging Mom, and she says,  

"When you realize that what you have, you will lose — you win real eyes. You win grateful joy.   It comes across the water and I turn to face it directly: It’s only when you realize everyone you love will one day leave you— that you really begin to love." 

You love your spouse now.  But lose your spouse and your heart will ache with love.  You love your child, but lose that child, and your heart will be crushed by love.  As Ann says, "Envision life without the loveliness of those you love — and you see how much you love." 

And I share it with Moose. Not an answer to his question, but hope in his loss. Jimmy had given us so many happy memories, much laughter, much love. And we feel it so deeply now, because of the loss. But the loss, it's all a gift. The loss is what makes you realize how deep the love is. He was satisfied with that answer.

The Lord took Jimmy today.  And Jimmy's love, even the love of a cat, we count as a gift.

The smallest moment.

We are still counting a year of graces. I personally have been working at this for about a year now. And I think I'm just now getting it. It was my children's smiles over my writing "Rupert's soft, warm ears". After they commented on it, I thought about that moment. It was very cold, he was trotting happily beside me on our way to the mailbox. And I reached over for a simple pet. And those ears in that cold were soft...and warm...and silky. And thinking about that moment I got it. We are surrounded by life. Life!! Life that God gives for our enjoyment. Everyday life is most beautiful. Yes, it's painful and hard and I could go on and on and on. But in each day, just look. Look and there you will find something than money can't buy or that materialism won't trump. Just look for it in the smallest moments and you'll find it.... Gifts to you from Him.

Let God...

Over a year ago I read I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy by Angie Smith. As a little side note and tidbit, she is the wife of the lead singer of the group Selah. An excellent read for anyone who has lost a child. One of the things I took from the book other than finding someone to identify with the grief of losing a baby is this point that she made: When Jesus was told that Lazarus was sick, he was simply told that Lazarus was sick. It wasn't "Jesus, Lazarus is sick and this is how I want you to fix it and this is how I want you to comfort me and this is how I want you etc., etc." And when Jesus was told there was no more wine, He was told simply that. There was no more wine. It wasn't "Jesus there is no more wine and we really could use some more and could you get us some somehow someway. Go to the store, perform a miracle, etc., etc." He was simply told the wine was gone, and then He did, in fact, perform a miracle turning water to wine. How often I tell God my problem and tell Him how I'd like it fixed. "Lord, Fep needs braces. Could you provide a big tax refund this year to pay for them?" I couldn't just leave it at "Lord, Fep needs braces." Lately in my prayer life, I've been trying to just leave it at "Lord, Fep needs braces." It is hard.

Our business can literally be feast or famine. And this morning when there wasn't enough calls to keep our techs busy for the day, I started in with "Lord, we need provision and could you cause the phone to ring, and what about this and what about that. That could provide work." But this morning remembering I just needed to tell Jesus the problem and not the solution, I stopped. I just had to stop myself. "Lord we don't have work." And that was sufficient. I work often from home, and my worry wart self decided to look at the dispatch board in the computer late this afternoon. And I was moved to tears as He is faithful to provide. Even without me telling Him how to do it and how to fix it.

I'm reminded of Ann's quote, "Bend the knee, be small, and let God give what He wants to give." Lord, keep me small. Lord, help me to remember to tell you my problem and not tell you how to fix it.

A Year of Graces....

When I saw this from Ann Voskamp, I knew I was in. It sounds so simple. Too easy. Write down one, just one, thing for the day you found to be grateful for. Only one thing. But then she pointed out, just one thing, and at the end of the year you have charted 365 things. All by His grace. And as He has changed my heart through her words over the past year regarding gratitude, I knew that it was something that must be fostered not just in my heart but also in the heart of my children. So, Sunday evening as we set out our goals and family goals for 2012, I pulled out their sheets. And I copied one for the Bob (too lazy to print out another ;)). And he said, "Let's hang them altogether." All that thankfulness lined up for all to see.

I never realized how powerful, just 3 days in, that it would be. That on day 1 gratitudes would be found in altars and prayers of friends. And all that Grace showing through the heart of my children.

Ann signs off so much of what she writes with "All is grace". Shaun Groves, of Compassion, pointed out in a song he wrote because of her saying those words, that there is deep profoundness in those three little words. All. Is. Grace. I'll let you think about that for a minute...let it seep deep into your heart...

If you'd like to chart A Year of Graces you can go here.

Tebow and Voskamp

What could Tim Tebow and Ann Voskamp possibly have in common?

One person extremely famous. One person with only moderate fame. But both with a passion for Jesus.

Then I read it early in the morning. A story on students getting suspended for "Tebowing". I couldn't help but walk away from the article thinking, "I wonder if his message is getting lost. Are we starting to bow before Tebow instead of bowing before Christ?"

I leave the article to check email where daily I get Ann Voskamp's daily blog post. She never ceases to challenge. She never ceases to touch my heart. She never ceases to make me want to seek a little harder after Christ. And sometimes, dare I say it? I'd really like to be like her.

Then the thoughts hit hard...."You should not want to be like Ann Voskamp. You should want to be like the One she emulates. Just like the Tebow thing." She's only trying to point to the Cross and not herself. She's just daily trying to empty herself of herself. And it comes hard. But when we truly seek Christ, when we truly want to look more like Him, we have to abandon self. Self dies hard. Putting off idols. Putting off self. Putting on Jesus......

Just get in....

This post. This post is mostly a picture post. And the pictures, as always, are beautiful. But the first three sentences sink down deep.

"Sometimes you just have to get into the boat. Because getting in the boat comes before you get to walk on water. Every miracle always begins with the first ordinary step of faithfulness." ~ Ann Voskamp

And my heart is heavy and I wonder how many times I pass by the boat or just plain refuse to get in? Am I faithful enough? Am I obedient enough? And what miracles do I miss because I miss the boat?

Oh Jesus, help me today. Help me to just get in the boat. You'll do the rest......