Go Fish.

"I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me....And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you? And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to Me." ~ Matthew:25:36, 39, 40

Sometimes the shame is in the hiding. And freedom is found in releasing the "secret". I have a brother-in-law in prison. And for some time the only people that knew the how and why were our very closest friends. So, just a handful of about 4-5 families. And I hated telling any new friend, because I hated the shame of the why he is in prison. And I hated a lot of other things. I hated that we were called on to try to pick up pieces of a broken puzzle that we had not put together. I hated that it took its toll on us emotionally and financially. I hated collect phone calls, and visit dates, and attorney calls, and I hated dealing with the fallout of somebody else's sin. I hated a lot. And I was bitter. Bitter rolls off the tongue hard. I find that how the word bitter sounds and how it rolls off the tongue encompasses what the word means and what it is. Bitter..... And my bitterness was not the inability to forgive the sin, but because of what his sin had caused me and my family. It was all very self focused. I was angry and overwhelmed with myself for that bitterness. I am a Christian, and I know better. I know better than to let bitterness fester. I know it is everything opposite of Christ, and I know the freedom in releasing it. I found the journey to release began when Life Action Ministries came to our church for two weeks in October of last year. During which I confessed that bitterness before my church. Cause when you are hiding a "secret", is there no better place to let it out than a room of several hundred people? Well, that's evidently what the Lord thought. And He is always right.

And sometimes releasing is a journey. I began to quit dodging his calls, and on Christmas Eve I saw him for the first time since his incarceration three years ago. However, I was still overwhelmed and struggling with my feelings and emotions. I had not found that peace of release and I was desperate. I was trying to do everything I knew to and what the Lord had shown me in October. I was trying a lot...but maybe the answer is found in obedience and letting the Lord do the rest. I just needed to be obedient and the Lord would handle the rest.

I found the following John Piper video and found it so extremely helpful....

How to Fight Bitterness from Desiring God on Vimeo.

Being that my brother in law has truly repented, I surely do not want to dishonor the cross and the sacrifice of Christ. So, I just began to pray, and I quit trying to fix it in my own power. I had agreed with God over my sin, so I began telling him my struggle with the emotion, and feelings, and that I needed to love my brother-in-law. And I began praying to do that. To love him like Jesus does.

The second Sunday of February was another visitation. My sweet husband told me, "You really don't have to go every time I go. I know it is not easy, and it is not fun." But I told him in my spirit I knew I needed to go. And I thought about what he said....how it's not easy. And all this time I've been sending him alone. In the past three years could I have not come alongside my husband and offered support I'm sure he needed? I am convicted of my selfishness. Really. How self absorbed can I be?

The visit was much better than my first. My attitude was as good as it can be when you are going into a prison. We ate snacks. We played games. Moose, myself, and my brother-in-law played Go Fish. I didn't really think anything about the day other than I knew it was a much better visit than my first. That night as we got ready for bed The Bob told me how much he appreciated what I did. I was a bit surprised and then he said, "You played games with him. We've never done that before....and you loved him today." The Bob had not known my prayers to love...to really love. And my heart swelled with thanksgiving in that maybe he was right. The Lord is still working it out and is not finished with me...shown through a simple game of Go Fish.

Words in print...

When I was wearing my Micah 6:8 necklace and friends saw it for the first time, they all immediately commented and asked. So I shared where it came from and why Micah 6:8. And it had dawned on me as I had been wearing it and I shared with them that when you wear scripture around your neck...and it's your husband's verse...it's kinda hard to be irritated, aggravated, frustrated, or have anything other than super loving thoughts about your husband. Not that The Bob would ever do anything to irritate or frustrate me ;) As I am a self confessed moody person, I was having a moody moment this past Saturday, and I giggled and said, "I think I need to go put on my Micah 6:8 necklace." After the bear of a stressful day on Tuesday, I was thinking I just needed to take a rope and wear the Bible around my neck. Seriously.

There is just something about words in print. I have recently noticed I can sing worship songs all week long. And I do, in fact, listen to worship and praise music on my iPod almost daily. But put the words in print in front of me on an overhead at church or just looking at lyrics on the computer along with the music....seeing it and verbalizing it...it seeps down into my heart in the crevices that are dry or hurting...and it hydrates and heals...And as I type, I think about reading scripture out loud or just looking at the words meditating....and yes, there is just something about words in print...especially His Word...

Beauty....

So, Fep and I have began our journey through her birthday book Uncompromising: A Heart Changed by Radical Love. The first chapter was on Beauty and all that encompasses including looks and weight. And I was very surprised at the conversation it spurred between Fep and I. I've known of her own insecurities with her looks, but I was surprised as she began to share with me of her friends insecurities as well. Cause good Christian girls should be confident in who they are in the Lord, right? Foolish my thinking. Good Christian girls are real girls.

It's not surprising that I have know and have known several adults, friends and family, that have succumbed to plastic surgery in some form or fashion. To be honest, I have my own struggles with body parts in this aging 41 year old body! I have to constantly remind myself of Proverbs 31:30. And I know. I know it's all vanity.

Where does it stop? When will our society's focus on beauty end? When we all, even us good Christians, start focusing on what true beauty is.

"Do not let your adorning be external-the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."

1 Peter 3:3-4

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

Proverbs 31:30

For the New Year....

This won't mean a thing to anyone but me, and that's okay...looking forward to what's in store for this new year...and what He will do in it....

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow, but woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! .... And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two withstand him - a threefold cord is not quickly broken."
~Ecc 4:9-10, 12

Psalm 38:7

This past Thursday, we were supposed to go see Tim Hawkins. If you don't know who he is, he's a Christian stand-up comedian. My friends have raved and raved over him and all but forced us to get tickets to go see him in our area. The night of the event we couldn't go, so I sent my children with my friends. They brought us back one of his DVDs, and we watched it last night. This was one of my favortie skits on the whole DVD. I've been chuckling about this even a day later. This video quality is not good, and it looks kinda older. The DVD was just a smidge better (funnier) than this, but this still should give you a good chuckle....

The Pearly Gates....

For the past year, our pastor has been taking us through the book of Revelation. He preaches what I would call "John MacArthur style" or expository preaching. We are finally toward the end of the book. Tonight he preached from Revelation 21:9-22:5. We've all heard the stories of the pearly gates. I think we've reduced them to something they are not. As my pastor noted, we picture a person standing at the little pearly gates with his checklist of those who may or may not enter. We must never forget that our God is so much bigger than that. And that He is a God of order. Revelation 21:19-20 goes through all the gems and stones found in the building of our heavenly home. Sapphire, Topaz, Amethyst, and Emerald just to name a few. Revelation 21, verse 21 specifically talks about the gates of pearl. A single pearl massive enough to form these great gates. Tonight in his sermon our pastor read us this quote:

"How appropriate! All other precious gems are metals or stones, but a pearl is a gem formed within the oyster - the only one formed by living flesh. The humble oyster receives an irritation or a wound, and around the offending article that has penetrated and hurt it, the oyster builds a pearl. The pearl, we might say, is the answer of the oyster to that which injured it. The glory land is God's answer, in Christ, to wicked men who crucified heaven's beloved and put Him to open shame. How like God it is to make the gates of the new Jerusalem a pearl. The saints as they come and go will be forever reminded, as they pass the gates of glory, that access to God's home is only because of Calvary. Think of the size of those gates! Think of the supernatural pearls from which they are made! What gigantic suffering is symbolized by those gates of pearl! Throughout the endless ages we shall be reminded by those pearly gates of the immensity of the sufferings of Christ. Those pearls, hung eternally at the access routes to glory, will remind us forever of One who hung upon a tree and whose answer to those who injured Him was to invite them in to share His home." (Exploring Revelation, rev. ed. [Chicago: Moody, 1987; reprint, Neptune, N.J.: Loizeaux, 1991], 254)

How like God and how appropriate, indeed. May we not take for granted what He has prepared for those who He loves.

"The twelve gates were twelve pearls, each gate made of a single pearl...."
Revelation 21:21

Hope...

“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.”

~Jeremiah 29:11-14

The Heart that Forgives....

Goodness I love that picture of my Daddy. He was quite a looker, don't you think? Years ago, I may not have had quite the same sentiment. His undeniable good looks would have been clouded in my eyes by anger...and even worse, bitterness. Bitterness. My Daddy was an alcoholic. He drank from the time I was born until the time he was put in a nursing home for the last few years of his life. He drank for over 30 years. He caused a lot of hurt, a lot of tears, and a lot of pain.

When The Bob and I married, I would hardly speak of my Daddy. I could barely stand to think about him. The Bob and I were having a conversation in which he was trying to figure it out. The Bob came from an extremely stable home, so he just didn't get it. And it was during that conversation that I exploded. Almost literally. Every bit of pain and hurt surfaced, and I unleashed it all on my husband. It needed to happen though, because I had been in complete denial about my anger which was taking root to bitterness. So that was the starting point, and over the next several months, the LORD began to soften me and work forgiveness into my heart. Freeing. Absolute freedom.

So while Kat with the bitter heart would have not seen the man with twinkling eyes so adoringly, the heart that has forgiven sees a man who she misses very much. The heart that forgives remembers his sober times....his charm...his jokes and laughter...his good common sense...his hard work ethic...his love for cornbread and buttermilk...Yes, the heart that has forgiven misses him a lot.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32

Forgiveness is so worth unwrapping...

Life found (in)courage

As I thought of the post that I'd write to link up at (in)courage , I find that my Source of courage comes from the same source as many others have mentioned. It's Him. I find Him in the morning sitting indian style in front of my pillow. His Word open before me trying to find a morsel to help get me through my day. If I'll pay attention close enough, if I'll give Him the time, I'll find Him not only sitting at my pillow in the morning, but throughout my day. He's faithful like that. Always waiting on me. Always willing to welcome me back. Yesterday at church, the fellow giving announcements prayed a simple prayer. A simple sentence in that prayer pierced my heart. "Your Word is....life." His word is life. Life. Life abundant and full. As I've randomly selected several posts to read from the linky, it dawned on me that we are not only posting about what encourages, but also what breathes life into us. Life. Abundant and full. Our lives are completely enhanced and transformed by these things we are posting about, and without our source(s) of courage, our lives would be only a small resemblance, only a small piece of what we have now. Now with our sources of courage.

In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. John 1:4

No Security Blanket Needed

I'm here!! I made my flight from Memphis to Phoenix today. I've mentioned I hate flying, right? Not only do I hate flying, but I hate going across the country and leaving my family behind. The Bob and the children stayed in good ole Mississippi as we just couldn't afford to fly everybody out. So, not only did I have to fly which I already don't like, but I had to fly a-l-o-n-e. For those who read this and might not know me, I do not like to leave my nest. Ask Heathahlee. When we went to Nashville recently, I made her drive the whole entire time we were there. I just hate not knowing where I'm going in a strange and foreign land.

As I've been getting ready to go the last couple of days, I've been thinking how I hated I wouldn't have The Bob with me on this trip. He's who I lean on at times like this, and he calms me. He's a great security blanket. And I've felt like a little kid having to go off alone, so I reeeeeeeally wanted my security blanket. This morning I was almost ready to walk out the door, and I thought I'd have a quick conversation with God. So I prayed for safety, and protection, and all that good stuff. And then I said, "And Lord, help me be a big girl." And at that time the Holy Spirit reminded me that I didn't have to be a big girl. He was my Father and I was his child. He would hold my hand. So with that, out the door I went. When I was waiting on the plane for take off, I was still a bit anxious, so I thought I'd get out a devotional that I've been going through the past year. I read my little daily devotion, and a few minutes later I looked up the additional scripture that went with the devotion. It was Philippians 4:4-8. I'll quote what completely calmed me, and has had me cool as a cucumber ever since. "...The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." And with that I was reminded that he was, indeed, holding my hand just as He had promised. With the Father holding my hand, I didn't need anything else and Peace was mine.

{This post is linked at Emily's Tuesdays Unwrapped }

Also, don't miss Daisy's first ever giveaway. If you don't know about it, scroll just a smidge to the previous post.

Missed Opportunities

As a Christian family, we try to look beyond the bunny and the egg at Easter. We do let our children color eggs, and we have had egg hunts, but that is not our focus during this holiday. We make the focus on Christ and His sacrifice. Is there anything more sacred? No.

A couple of years ago, on the evening before Good Friday, The Bob was talking to the children about Jesus and His sacrifice. And he made the comment that the next day, Good Friday, they should pay attention to when it turned 3:00 as that is the time indicated Jesus gave up His life. The next day was busy, and we were at the grocery store. We were in the check out line, and I just happened to notice in check out that it was almost 3:00, so I mentioned that to the children. When it was my time to check out, our cashier, stressed, harried, and frazzled, said something to the effect of, "Isn't today supposed to be Good Friday? I don't know what's so good about today?" I was taken back a bit. No, I was very taken. Everything in me wanted to testify to Jesus and why it IS Good Friday. But I didn't. I didn't say anything. Why? Fear and cowardice. As soon as we left the store, Fep mentioned the lady's comment and how awful and sad it was. And I had to confess to her, that I should have said something but didn't. I've asked the Lord's forgiveness for my silence, but still two to three years later, I still remember that lady and my missed opportunity. May I not miss another.....

(The sixth hour to the ninth hour is from noon until 3:00 PM)
"Now from the sixth hour to the ninth hour there was darkness over all the land. And about the ninth hour Jesus cried, out with a loud voice saying, "Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?" that is, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?"......Jesus, when He had cried out again with a loud voice, yielded up His spirit." Matthew 27:45-46, 50

Unplugged

**Edited to add: I unplugged on the 20th and again on the 27th. Friday's are busy days for me as I have to get employees payroll, run errands, and the like. I think I need to unplug on a day other than Friday to get the real feel of unplugging. Although I will say, I wanted to check the blogging world on the morning of the 27th sooooooo bad. This is my post from uplugging on the 20th**

I took to this challenge a little early. Kimba planned it for the 27th, but I needed to break early. Yesterday, I did not blog at all. I did not look at my blog nor did I look at anybody's blog. Oops. Let me correct that in saying I did go to Stretching a Buck to help a friend. I had promised I would help her work through the Kroger ad and coupons in a money saving adventure. We had computer issues, printer issues, couldn't find Kroger card issues, and trying to use our brain in general issues. It was awesome.

What led me to getting off the computer yesterday is just way too long to go into. I will say I've had lots of issues over the past week, and I've needed to pray more. I had thought about fasting, and out of the blue, I remembered fasting didn't have to be just food related. Honestly, the computer is more of an issue than food. And I've known, too, that I've not controlled all this blogging and computer time stuff as much as I thought I could or would. Oh, I've been telling myself I'm keeping it within the limits I set for myself and before the Lord, but I was the only one I was fooling. Late Thursday afternoon, The Bob got home early from work. A very rare treat. He was outside with Fep and Moose doing "stuff". I seized the opportunity for a little nappy napperstein. As I was on the couch trying to nap, one of my children came in the door and did not see me on the couch. So, they went immediately to the computer. I had to let them know where I was. Did you catch that? I did. They went immediately to the computer! Hello! Eye opener!

Honestly, yesterday was easier to stay off the computer, because it was a busy day. Busier than I had planned. But I know, I really know, if I had visited the blogging world, time would not have been used wisely. I probably would have missed folding a load of laundry. I probably would have missed time with my family. I probably would have missed time with the Lord.

I think I need to unplug a lot more...

Proverbs 31:27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Great Words

"I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make a life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture, or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a person humanized or dehumanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming."

~Goethe~

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building up others according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Ephesians 4:29