1000 Gifts...

In my journey through, Ann's book 1000 Gifts, I'm realizing as Ann says that this level of thankfulness is really a learned behavior. And I'm not talking about the thankfulness that we are all accustomed to in our shallow thankful behaviors, I'm talking about this deep, Jesus like, eucharisteo thankfulness. And so early in my journey I feel a bit faltering. This past month has been a bear. Hurt feelings. Disappointments. Loneliness. Wrong attitudes. Last night as I dumped all that on The Bob, poor Bob, I made the comment before we turned out the light, "Here I am reading a book on recognizing 1000 Gifts and here I am griping about everything." Yes Ann is right. This level of thankfulness, this eucharisteo surely is a learned behavior...and one that takes consistent practice.

I also wonder...Ann talks about how ungratefulness started in the Garden of Eden with Adam, Eve, and the serpent. I wonder am I not only struggling against my flesh, but does the deceiver show up at just this time to discourage me in this journey? I wonder.

But I will not be set back by me and my flesh or the serpent. So, I press on to 1000 gifts...

137. Dog squeaking toy in the background
138. Spring buds forming on winter tree
139. That in loneliness I can draw to Him
140. Life is full of "seasons" that cannot be recreated...only enjoyed
141. Ahsleigh’s laugh
142. A pot of chili, thick like a stew…reminds me of my favorites Little House and the Walton’s
143. Steam rising from a simmering pot
144. Laughter so full you can’t breathe
145. Afternoon treats
146. Evening talks
147. Fresh sheets on the bed

Finding what you want in what you give...

Every year I expected it. On my birthday, especially on my birthday. On Mother's Day. On Valentine's day. I wanted to be treated and feel like the most special person ever. Ever. And saying that now just sounds so...selfish.

Every year he never expected it. Never. Not on his birthday, not on Father's Day, not on Valentine's Day. He was content and expected little except maybe a card or some small something. But no big day long celebration of him.

But this year, I did it for him. I took the focus off of me and focused on him. His birthday was more than it's been ever, I think. And it wasn't that it took a lot of money or a grand present. It was just little things throughout the course of two days. A table set fancy, confetti, a special text or two at work, his favorite Chinese dinner. It was two days of celebrating him. And he felt so special. I know it cause he told me that night. I gave what I always want. And in the giving I found what I had been looking for all along. I felt loved and special right along with him. And this morning I find these words to be the truest....

“You only have what you give away. All that you’ll ever have is only what you’ve shared”

~ Ann Voskamp

The blue balloon...

We had been coloring. Fep reminded me I had not colored with her in several years. But a cute Winnie the Pooh coloring book in the dollar section at Target compelled me to dust off my Crayolas. And I sat there with her. She admired my coloring thinking me the queen of the Crayola. And I soaked in her love.

The next day Fep was back to coloring on her own, and she colored a picture of Christopher Robin handing Pooh a balloon. The balloon was blue and I immediately thought, "Not sure that's the color I would have chosen." Moose followed that thought with, "Fepper, why did you color the balloon blue. It's supposed t0 be red." And then we all had a big discussion on the color of the balloon in the Disney Winnie the Pooh that first aired in the late 60's. I agreed with Moose that it was red. Fep insisted it was blue. Moose dug through the old VHS's and found that first Disney made Pooh. On the back of the box was several pictures from the movie...one of Pooh on his blue balloon. I said, "Well, it may be blue on the back of the box, but I really think that's just on the box and it's red in the movie."

A night later, we piled in my bed, coloring book, Crayolas, and a bit of excitement in hand, and watched that Pooh video. And what do you know, but the balloon is blue. I asked Fepper if she looked at the box or if she just remembered it was blue. She said she just remembered it. And for some reason that filled my heart. I think it's that Fep is going to be 13 this year and to know that as she's growing that her little girl days are still in her memory and in her heart makes my heart filled with it all.....