Go Fish.

"I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me....And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you? And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to Me." ~ Matthew:25:36, 39, 40

Sometimes the shame is in the hiding. And freedom is found in releasing the "secret". I have a brother-in-law in prison. And for some time the only people that knew the how and why were our very closest friends. So, just a handful of about 4-5 families. And I hated telling any new friend, because I hated the shame of the why he is in prison. And I hated a lot of other things. I hated that we were called on to try to pick up pieces of a broken puzzle that we had not put together. I hated that it took its toll on us emotionally and financially. I hated collect phone calls, and visit dates, and attorney calls, and I hated dealing with the fallout of somebody else's sin. I hated a lot. And I was bitter. Bitter rolls off the tongue hard. I find that how the word bitter sounds and how it rolls off the tongue encompasses what the word means and what it is. Bitter..... And my bitterness was not the inability to forgive the sin, but because of what his sin had caused me and my family. It was all very self focused. I was angry and overwhelmed with myself for that bitterness. I am a Christian, and I know better. I know better than to let bitterness fester. I know it is everything opposite of Christ, and I know the freedom in releasing it. I found the journey to release began when Life Action Ministries came to our church for two weeks in October of last year. During which I confessed that bitterness before my church. Cause when you are hiding a "secret", is there no better place to let it out than a room of several hundred people? Well, that's evidently what the Lord thought. And He is always right.

And sometimes releasing is a journey. I began to quit dodging his calls, and on Christmas Eve I saw him for the first time since his incarceration three years ago. However, I was still overwhelmed and struggling with my feelings and emotions. I had not found that peace of release and I was desperate. I was trying to do everything I knew to and what the Lord had shown me in October. I was trying a lot...but maybe the answer is found in obedience and letting the Lord do the rest. I just needed to be obedient and the Lord would handle the rest.

I found the following John Piper video and found it so extremely helpful....

How to Fight Bitterness from Desiring God on Vimeo.

Being that my brother in law has truly repented, I surely do not want to dishonor the cross and the sacrifice of Christ. So, I just began to pray, and I quit trying to fix it in my own power. I had agreed with God over my sin, so I began telling him my struggle with the emotion, and feelings, and that I needed to love my brother-in-law. And I began praying to do that. To love him like Jesus does.

The second Sunday of February was another visitation. My sweet husband told me, "You really don't have to go every time I go. I know it is not easy, and it is not fun." But I told him in my spirit I knew I needed to go. And I thought about what he said....how it's not easy. And all this time I've been sending him alone. In the past three years could I have not come alongside my husband and offered support I'm sure he needed? I am convicted of my selfishness. Really. How self absorbed can I be?

The visit was much better than my first. My attitude was as good as it can be when you are going into a prison. We ate snacks. We played games. Moose, myself, and my brother-in-law played Go Fish. I didn't really think anything about the day other than I knew it was a much better visit than my first. That night as we got ready for bed The Bob told me how much he appreciated what I did. I was a bit surprised and then he said, "You played games with him. We've never done that before....and you loved him today." The Bob had not known my prayers to love...to really love. And my heart swelled with thanksgiving in that maybe he was right. The Lord is still working it out and is not finished with me...shown through a simple game of Go Fish.

17th Year...

17 Years ago today I married The Bob. Three little tidbits of what I know:

*You have to fight for your marriage, and while there are seasons of highs there are also seasons of lows. A great marriage doesn't just happen without work. The pressure of the world, friends, children, extended family, work, hobbies, activities, finances, and plain ole life will all try to crowd out what was set apart for you and your spouse. Not to mention the devil delights in failed marriages.

*Love is a commitment. Not a warm fuzzy. Not that warm fuzzies don't happen, but that warm fuzzies are surface and commitments go deep.

*People change. But hopefully if your marriage is Christ-centered, you'll grow in the change for the good and the better. Our marriage should enhance who we are in Christ. So thankful to be married to a man who does just that.

Words in print...

When I was wearing my Micah 6:8 necklace and friends saw it for the first time, they all immediately commented and asked. So I shared where it came from and why Micah 6:8. And it had dawned on me as I had been wearing it and I shared with them that when you wear scripture around your neck...and it's your husband's verse...it's kinda hard to be irritated, aggravated, frustrated, or have anything other than super loving thoughts about your husband. Not that The Bob would ever do anything to irritate or frustrate me ;) As I am a self confessed moody person, I was having a moody moment this past Saturday, and I giggled and said, "I think I need to go put on my Micah 6:8 necklace." After the bear of a stressful day on Tuesday, I was thinking I just needed to take a rope and wear the Bible around my neck. Seriously.

There is just something about words in print. I have recently noticed I can sing worship songs all week long. And I do, in fact, listen to worship and praise music on my iPod almost daily. But put the words in print in front of me on an overhead at church or just looking at lyrics on the computer along with the music....seeing it and verbalizing it...it seeps down into my heart in the crevices that are dry or hurting...and it hydrates and heals...And as I type, I think about reading scripture out loud or just looking at the words meditating....and yes, there is just something about words in print...especially His Word...

Micah 6:8

(Isn't that the cutest and sweetest? I got it yesterday, and I wore it for the first time today. I LOVE it. And I got this one for a gift. The Adpot Shoppe on Etsy. Go browse her stuff!)

After browsing The Adpot Shoppe site, I knew immediately I wanted this. Right after we were married, Micah 6:8 became The Bob's verse, his "life verse". I remember him saying, almost 16 years ago, "You know it's really simple what we are supposed to do. All the Lord really wants from us is Micah 6:8". We had it framed and years later when it was broken, I had it newly printed and framed for him for Christmas. And it still sits there on his side of the dresser today. So, I got the necklace/pendant out of my love for Him and for him.

I picked it up and rubbed it all day today. I had to go into work as we are extremely short handed at the office. So, it was just me and The Bob there today. And our service techs, but they aren't IN the office. Today, when we had a disagreement over an employee and an excessive amount of time taken off (long story) and I being irritated and down right put out with the employee and him ever patient...and when I went through some statements to send out and came across one in particular he wanted redone so that it did not show a past due notice...even though it is past due...I just started to giggle, and I thought about the level of mercy he has. And then as I was working I remembered him telling us, me and the kids, not too terribly long ago...."I would rather be the one who is taken advantage of. I would rather be the one who comes out on the short end. I would rather be the one put out." He would rather make himself less...to make others more. And for this Christlike quality, I am most grateful.

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?" ~ Micah 6:8

Just because...

It was late. He gets home late a lot. Work does that to us. Sometimes we don't know if we own a business or if it owns us. But it was late, and I was hungry. I looked to see if he would sit in the driveway and finish up his day on the phone, and who knows how long that could take, and I was hungry. But just as I was thinking I'd go ahead and start eating without him, I saw the outside dark. No truck lights, no cell phone lights, and I knew that it meant he was coming in. And I was hungry. And he came in with a big, colorful, beautiful hydrangea and a card. Just because....



And then I forgot how hungry I was. Taken back by the beauty of that hydrangea, the perfect words on the card, and that he did it all just because. I often don't feel worthy of just because...

The next morning I was fetching some work he had brought home for me and left in his truck. And as I was digging through, I saw it. The Love Dare. Remember that book made hugely popular by the movie, Fireproof? And I knew. I knew. I knew that he had completed Day 1 with those flowers and card....which actually made them that much more special. Because everybody and their brother was reading and going through that book a few years ago. But we rather didn't get to it and let it sit on a shelf. And he's grabbed that book off the shelf, and he's not going through it because everybody else is or because it's part of a church marriage builder, but he's doing it just because....just because....he loves me....

I didn't tell him I found the book. I knew he probably wanted to go through it quietly himself. And when I told him that I had gotten the work from his truck, the look on his face told me that, indeed, he wanted to go through the book quietly...just because he loves me....

Finding what you want in what you give...

Every year I expected it. On my birthday, especially on my birthday. On Mother's Day. On Valentine's day. I wanted to be treated and feel like the most special person ever. Ever. And saying that now just sounds so...selfish.

Every year he never expected it. Never. Not on his birthday, not on Father's Day, not on Valentine's Day. He was content and expected little except maybe a card or some small something. But no big day long celebration of him.

But this year, I did it for him. I took the focus off of me and focused on him. His birthday was more than it's been ever, I think. And it wasn't that it took a lot of money or a grand present. It was just little things throughout the course of two days. A table set fancy, confetti, a special text or two at work, his favorite Chinese dinner. It was two days of celebrating him. And he felt so special. I know it cause he told me that night. I gave what I always want. And in the giving I found what I had been looking for all along. I felt loved and special right along with him. And this morning I find these words to be the truest....

“You only have what you give away. All that you’ll ever have is only what you’ve shared”

~ Ann Voskamp

Out of the mouths of babes....

(photo credit: www.icanhascheezburger.com)

Something we are constantly working on in our house is with Fep and Moose. Moose lives to get on Fep's nerves and Fep lives to boss Moose and correct him. It's a vicious cycle...and it can be very draining on my little nervies. Fep is first born...and is everything that goes with that. Everything. However, when her first born status gets in the way, The Bob will jokingly tell her that she has "First Born Syndrome". I don't believe that's a real diagnosis, but I think maybe it should be.

The other night Moose was talking about his history book and how boring it was ,etc., etc., etc. (and I do admit, he's in an extremely boring section right now...we may just pass over this chapter) The Bob told him that maybe they could do it at night together and that might make it more "fun". For some reason, Fep has a melt down and insists that the only time a school book should be used is during school. Where she pulled that from I don't know, because she has often looked through her science book for the pure enjoyment of it? The Bob laughs and asks her if she's worried her little brother will get smarter than her. And then Moose pipes up and says, "Fep!! You just have First Sinner Syndrome!" Ummmm...not quite Moose...but close enough ;)

Pesky...

Pesky, they are. More than just getting in our bird feeders. Here is a snippet of a recent conversation between The Bob and I:

The Bob: (working on truck, has the hood up) "Those darn squirrels are chewing on wires in my truck. They've chewed on this here. This cable has been chewed on. Look at this...."

Me: "How do you know it's the squirrels. Maybe it's mice?"

The Bob: (putting his hand into a foam covering in the top of the hood) "Because he's left his nuts in here!" (Pulls out acorns...)

Me: (walks away giggling)

:)

The Little Things....

I'm not sure when it happened? I'm not sure when I stopped doing the little things? You know the little things...the things that don't cost money, but make memories...the things your children will talk about when they get older. And that's true you know. The things I talk about from my childhood and growing up usually never involves what we did that cost money. Being that I grew up on the poor end of the scale and the fact that we didn't have money anyway is no never mind. If I talk about my childhood from a poverty perspective, it's usually that I'm grateful. My memories are that my Mom fixed the best ham ever on Christmas and Easter. And I fix that ham today at Christmas, and my mother-in-law tells me it's the best ham ever. My memories that my Dad fixed the best pancakes ever. And they weren't really pancakes, but flapjacks. There's a difference.

So, I used to do these things that made memories. The Bob did, too. Like when he would fix Green Eggs and Ham. Like when I used to set the table nicely for occasions or events.

On any given day, this is what our dinner table looks like...

It doesn't look like this every day, but any given day. Can you see the laundry hanging over the doorway and over the chairs? Fep's bird puzzle she's been working on here and there for weeks. Lovely, isn't it?

So, Saturday was Valentine's Day Eve. The meal plan was Pioneer Woman's Lasagna (which she says is the best ever. While it is absolutely the best recipe I've ever had to make at home, I find the best ever lasagna belongs to Avellino's Pizza in Mississippi...just in case you're ever in the area and want some Italian ;) ) Creamed Spinach, Garlic Bread, and Turtle Cookie Bars with Ice Cream for dessert. Yum. It was to be our Valentine's Dinner as Sunday yielded itself too busy with Church and stuff to think about creating such a meal. I walked into the dinning room, and the above scene just wouldn't do. I have not set the table nicely in forever. Years maybe? So, I started digging through the China Hutch to see what I could use. And this is what I came up with. Simple. Very simple. But so much nicer than the above, don't you think?

And it looked even nicer with the candles lit. Cause candles make everything look better.

Fep walked through after I was finished and said, "The table looks so nice!" Moose walked through and said, "WHY IS THE TABLE ALL DINNERY?" (and please say that loud and with a heavy Southern accent). Moose is a grammar lesson waiting to happen. And when The Bob got home for dinner he was quite pleased. Quite. I have not taken the time to do this in forever. And my time and my thought was all they needed this Valentine's Day. It's the little things.

I was so pleased with myself, too. So pleased that I gave myself a thumbs up and took a very cheesy picture....

Cheese. I'm full of it :)

The little things are worth unwrapping

January 6, 1995

I tried to scan some old pictures from my wedding, and our scanner wouldn't work. Bummer. Cause I know you wanted to see me in all my 90's hairdo glory ;)

Our 15th wedding anniversary was Wednesday. It seems like "marker" years are supposed to be big (5, 10, 15, 20, and 25 a biggie....and so on) On my 10th anniversary, we had my rings reset and the gold changed from yellow gold to white gold. That may not sound like a big deal, but it ended up being about $500 just to do that. So, that was a "marker year" and a big deal gift. One of my best friends took a cruise with her husband on their 15th anniversary. We didn't do that. And because of where we're at, we just couldn't do anything "big" anyway. So, I was feeling a little sorry for myself. Just a little self pity goin' on...but just a little.

Our day started with a "Happy Anniversary" said by both, and then we talked about the plan of the day. Work. Work. And then some work. This has actually been a busy week for us because it's freeeeeeeeeezing right now in Mississippi (as in right now this very second that I'm typing the temperature is 12 degrees), and we have lots of frozen pipe calls (we own a plumbing business). In addition to The Bob being really busy, I was really busy. I home schooled that morning, went to work at lunch, worked until 5:00 PM then braved the grocery store to get groceries on the slight chance we got snowed in, as snow was expected late that evening. By the time I got home and got our frozen pizza on the table, it was 8:00 PM. And that's what everyone wants to eat for their anniversary, right? Frozen pizza. More self pity heaped on here. The Bob was not even home at this point. He was helping a customer with a flooded basement. Yet another dose of self pity. I was completely exhausted and brain dead, so the kids and I put in the movie "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs". What doesn't say 15th anniversary about that?! I'll have some more self pity, please. Around 9:30 PM, the Bob walks in and he has these....




Now, they are just grocery store flowers, and I had to vase them and water them, etc. Nothing fancy, but still pretty. Very pretty. And the way to melt away every bit of self pity I had allowed to creep in my heart. Not just because they were pretty flowers, but because he took the time. The time he really did not have that day. He worked 14 hours that day (literally), but he still took the time. He was cold, tired, and hungry. That right there is enough to make me grumpy. But not him. He came in with a smile, with his love, gave me my card and flowers, and happily ate his left on the counter frozen pizza.

So, I've learned it may not be in all the glitz and glamor of the gift, but in the thought and time put in to it. That's what we really want from our mate anyway is their time and attention :)

Milestones...

All the reasons The Bob gave me that she should not do it and that it was too soon. These are the reasons The Bob gave that made Fep have to wait 4 to 5 years before permission from Daddy...

*Just because her friends did it doesn't mean we are letting her do it....
*She is too little....
*Then what's next?...
*You do this then it's makeup....

He finally gave in. A bit against his will. What could possibly cause such a commotion in his emotions? Just this...

Do you see it? At the beginning of this month, Fep got her ears pierced. Just another milestone that goes right up there with her first tooth and her first step. This a little more painful in that we see our Little Fep isn't so little anymore...she's becoming a young lady. A beautiful young lady. So much wrapped up in her growing up. I see her growing in the Lord. I mean really growing in the Lord. She is more spiritually discerning than a lot of teenagers I know, and she's eleven. For that...Thank You Jesus. But then....there's the pull, ever so slight, from Mom and Dad. She's starting to form her own opinions. I'm not near as "cool" as I used to be. Yes, I have been known to embarrass her on occassion lately. She's eleven and soon we enter the preteen years. Then we enter the teen years. So much to unwrap in her growing up.

The Honest Scrap Award.

My friend Heathahlee. She's so kind. She awarded me Honest Scrap. I'm verklempt. Okay. Not really. But in receiving this award, I must give you 10 randomly honest things about me. Then I must pass it on to 7. I don't have 7 people in blogland I can pass this on to, because I'm so minuscule in blogland. But I will pass it on to three people. I'll save that for the end. Oh, and the people you pass it on to are supposed to be people that have encouraged you. Encouraged you with their honesty or something like that. Heather is probably so wishing she hadn't passed this on to me right now. I don't think I'm taking it very seriously. How can you take a title like "Honest Scrap" seriously though?

Okay, 10 randomly honest things:

1. I have Vitiligo. An auto-immune disorder that causes you to loose pigment in your skin. You know...the disease Michael Jackson said he had. Well, I have it. For real. I'm afraid one day I'll end up like a spotted cheetah or leopard or something.

2. In addition to having Vitiligo, I'm loosing my hair. It runs in my family as my Aunt was almost bald. I don't think I'll be bald, but I'm looking at really thin hair in my older, older than I am now, years.

3. The fact the the previous two honest tidbits bother me makes me think I am vain. The fact that my third fact is still talking about the previous two makes me know I am vain. Being honest here people. But I don't know many women who think, "Isn't this fantastic! My hair is falling out. I love it." Anyway, I appreciate the Proverbs that says "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Yep. I'm clinging to that.

4. I love Casting Crowns. I am a Casting Crowns groupie. Truly. I've met them, have autographs from band members, and one of the cutest concert t-shirts you'll ever see. You'd like to see it wouldn't you?

I am a Casting Crowns groupie, but not a stalker.

5. I love a tidy house. But I sometimes end up with cluttered closets in making the house tidy ;)

6. I am a Foodie. If you don't want to click on Foodie to see what that means...it just means I watch A LOT of Food Network.

7. My first date with The Bob was a blind date. I didn't say 2 sentences to him and then fell asleep. Isn't it so easy to see why he asked me out again? But he did. And when I introduced him to my Mom on our first "real" date, I called him by the wrong name....I introduced him as Chris. His name is not Chris. Isn't it so easy to see why he asked me to marry him? (giggle) Oh, and I was 21 when The Bob and I met, and 25 when we married.

8. I lived at home until I got married. Yes, I lived at home until I was 25. I've never lived on my own. I was either at home with my parents and then married. Never by myself or with roommates or anything like that.

9. I lost a baby at six months of pregnancy. I'm forever changed by it. But not in a bad way....anyway, her name was Beth.

10. Two months after I had Moose, I had my gallbladder out and a bilateral hernia repair. That was a rough pregnancy....but so worth it ;)

Okay....passing this on to:

**Daisy at The Quiet Life. I love everything about her. Especially her honesty. Her blog has the name of my old blog, and my "life verse"...Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life...(1 Thes 4:11-12) From what I read from her blog, I think we have a lot in common, but I think she is the better part of what I want to be. Oh, and if you home school, she's an excellent source of info, too.

**Then there is Dawn at beyond grace. I love everything about her, too. She makes me smile, warms my heart, and has a humble spirit. Wonderful lady, she is.

**Finally, Jen at unglazed. I love her love for birds. And I love the photos she takes of them. She makes me smile, too. Oh, she has a giveaway going on right now. You could be the lucky winner of a year subscription to Birds and Blooms. So, check her out.

These recipients may now choose to pass it on to 7 encouragingly honest bloggers that they love. And thank you Heathahlee. You know I love you. Always.

Learning Music...

Moose and The Bob started taking guitar lessons with their first lesson being last week. The first lesson wasn't much to it....parts of the guitar, kind of an overview of what's what, etc., etc. Yesterday, they had their second lesson, and they found out what will be the first song that they'll learn to play. Fep takes violin lessons, and her first song was Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I know that piano students learn Twinkle or Mary Had a Little Lamb or Chopsticks or something like that for their first song. You want to know what Moose and Bob's first song will be? No Twinkle. No Mary. Their first song will be.........Sweet Home Alabama! All I can say is....rock on....

Mowing along....

I'm not sure where the time goes? I'm quite certain that just yesterday he was scooting around on a plastic toy tractor? Or wasn't it just yesterday that he got a bike? And was it yesterday that he got to take the training wheels off his bike? I thought it was.....so now here we are. I'm certain it must be a definite passage into manhood when you get to drive....even if it is the lawn mower ;)

And when you have almost 10 acres to mow, you'll let anybody get on the lawn mower....and often you have two mowers going at the same time......

"Hey Dad. Beep. Beep."

Camping Memories

Our first camping trip is under our belt. It started with a few mishaps, but we recovered and regrouped quickly. We forgot the key to the camper, our dog ran off, and the water heater on the camper was leaking. However, The Bob in his wisdom said, "Let's camp somewhere close for the first time." Our campground was only 20 minutes from home. So, we came back home and got the key, found our dog and brought her back home, and he fixed the water heater.


And what did we do for the past three days? We about rode the tires off our bikes. I have not ridden my bike like that since I was 11 years old. Memories of summers spent peddling my bike flooded my memory. I loved it. I loved every single minute of it, and I can't even express how much. Also, our kids swam in a lake for the first time ever. We played basketball. Played at a playground. Made new friends....my particular favorite was was another camper's dog...Buster the Basset Hound. Watched a raccoon as he contemplated what a fellow camper might leave him for a tasty snack. And we ate....I ate the most....lots of cake....and the scale showed it this morning. Don't even ask. We left cup cakes out at night to see if the raccoons would see them as tasty....and they did. I ate a lot of cake, but I did share it with nature, too. I'm nice that way.



I am sad that I don't have any pictures to share. I was so caught up in the fun of nothing to do that I didn't take any pictures. But I remember. The images are etched in my mind. I remember the smell of the trees as I peddled my bike through them in the morning...and afternoon. I remember the only sounds to be heard at night were the locusts singing. And I remember the joy of my children when we arrived at the campground and their dismay when it was time to go. But we'll go back, and we are already thinking of how soon that will be........


This post is linked at Tuesdays Unwrapped:

Father's Day Shopping...

So, I went Father's Day shopping today. This year The Bob will receive the usual shirt and socks. We also got him some cologne as he was completely out. I'm struggling with giving him the usual this year, because THIS is what he gave me for Mother's Day....

So, do you see my dilemma? I know it's not just about the gift, but about the heart in it. The problem with that is that he gave up something he treasured to buy me the car. I asked, begged him not to, but he did. And so I know, it's not about the gift, but this year Father's Day has me feeling a bit out of sorts. Last year with the usual shirt and socks, I wrote him a little poem kind of thing and framed it to give to him. So, I'm going to post that now. If fits him just as much today as it did when I wrote it a year ago...

This Man

This man serves others and not himself

This man sees the best in people and not the worst

This man delights in reading the Word of God to his children

This man sacrifices his wants for the needs of others

This man has strength of character and gentleness of spirit

This man makes the most of any situation, good or bad

This man works hard for his family

This man is the father of my children, my richest blessings

This man completes me

Happy Father's Day

June 15, 2008

~Kat

Yep, all those words still fit him completely, and I am blessed....