Hope for the outcast....

For some reason lately, I've been thinking a lot about who I am and how I am. That I grew up being extremely introverted and shy. That I've walked a lot in the shadow of others. That I was rather an outcast in high school. I had been thinking on these things, and during our sermon a couple of weeks ago, our pastor made the comment, "God calls us be ourselves. Stop wishing you were someone else." And my heart broke, as I have many times wished I was like someone else. Prettier. Smarter. Wittier. More talented (any talent would be good). More outgoing. That night in our small group, one of the youth in our group talked about how he thought a good thing to do was to go to that person who sits alone at school and talk with them. Later in the conversation, The Bob encouraged that young man to do just that if it was on his heart. And The Bob said, "I married an introverted and shy girl who spent her time at school alone." And my eyes welled with tears barely able to maintain my composure as others in the group looked and stared at me. Even as I type it now, my eyes fill. Wounds have healed but scars remain. And there is the wonder of who the Lord has turned me into and the friendships that I now have.

Then yesterday, through blog hopping I ended up at a blog of a fellow church member. And she talked about how her heart broke for her middle school aged son who it sounds like is enduring similar to what I did all through school. I don't even know this family and my heart broke for him. Because I've been there. Because I know. If I could talk with him, I would tell him you'll grow up. You'll find your place over time. You'll have great friends. And stay grounded in the Lord and choose friends who are grounded in the Lord and you'll be amazed at how you are blessed by those friendships. I'd tell him that me the shy and outcast girl in her school ended up marrying the most popular boy in his school! Funny how the Lord works those things out. I'd tell him it really is just a season and that those school years seem like they will go on forever, but they are just a blink. And although his middle school aged youth may keep him from seeing what a mature 42 years allow me to see...I'd tell him what really matters, what really matters most, is who we are in Christ. He is the hope for the outcast.

Be small...

Her words always touch me. Always move me. And I don't know if I read them in a post on her site or if it was off of my DaySpring dayminder taken from her book, One Thousand Gifts. And it doesn't really matter which it was. Only that I found them. And that I needed them. The words?


"Bend the knee...be small...and let God give what He wants to give..." ~ Ann Voskamp

I could not get them out of my head yesterday. Be small. Or today. Be small. When I want to complain and complain that my feelings are hurt....be small. When I want to justify my emotions and attitude...be small. When it's not fun or anything that you would look forward to, but it's the *right* thing to do.....be small. Maybe so many feelings would not be hurt, maybe such high expectations would not be put on friendships, and maybe I'd keep my attitude and heart in check if only I would be small. What keeps me from being small? Pride. Self. What keeps me from wanting to accept what God gives? For being thankful for what He gives? The same.

Today I'm small...and I will be thankful for what He gives.....

"He must increase, but I must decrease" ~ John 3:30

Ooops! I did it again...

When I made that cake 9 months ago, who would have thought? Who would have ever thought that I'd actually misspell "birthday" again? Not me. That was good for a one time laugh, right?
Enter birthday cake #2.....

MMMMM HMMMMM. I misspelled birthday again!! Good grief. And I got nothing this time. I was putting those candles on that cake, got to the end to put on the "y", and thought, "Why do I have two letters left?" And then I saw what I had done....more laughs....more smiles...more memories.

Yes, I homeschool my children. Don't judge me ;)

Ohhhhh! And today, just happens to be my sweet husband's birthday. He loves me even though I can't spell "birthday"!

Rejoicing....

The last time I saw her she was a mess. Her younger brother had just died unexpectedly from a heart attack...he was in his mid-twenties. It was the hardest funeral I have ever been to. Ever. At the funeral, her grief was open and raw. She loved him deeply.

But this night was far different. She was radiant. Beaming. The night was hers, and she knew it. It was the wedding she had waited 29 years for. Her brother was not far from our minds, and he was mentioned throughout the night. Yet, we rejoiced. This young lady who through her rebellious teen years found herself pregnant had obviously grown and matured since then. Her wedding honored the Lord and her family. Her daughter, now 10 years old, stood by her Momma during the wedding. And we rejoiced when the groom gave his new daughter a special gift. He called her over during the service and said, "Just like I made a promise to your Momma, I make this promise to you...I will always love you as my own." And he slipped a ring on her little finger just as he had slipped a ring on his bride's finger. The little girl who had been waiting for a father now had one and they hugged their first father-daughter hug. Yes, we rejoiced.

I think often that people who are forgiven much praise much. Tonight I think that people who hurt greatly rejoice greatly.

Something Beautiful...

I made time. I pushed the work to the side and for an hour I went swimming with my children. After I got out of the pool, I laid on the hammock to get good and dry and even get a little sun. I set the timer for 15 minutes which was all I had left to spare of anything that looked like free time for the day. I turned on my iPod and "Something Beautiful" by Need to Breathe started playing. Suddenly, I was 15 again and laying out in my backyard with a small radio playing. I was seeking that savage tan...not caring at that age how unhealthy it is to "lay out". But being 15 again was something beautiful. And laying there on that hammock, Moose came and curled up beside me. Yes, we found the lost "I love you". That too, was something beautiful. I thought about Dawn as I always do when I hear that song, cause she often has it playing on her blog. And "the lady with the smiling eyes" really is something beautiful. And finally I thought about a nameless lady at church. I call her nameless, because I don't know her...although I want to. A few weeks ago, we had baptisms. They ran some video testimonies, and the nameless lady had the sweetest, most genuine testimony. It truly touched my heart. And when the pastor baptizing her asked her before submerging her in the water if she'd given her heart to Jesus, she said with a smile, "You know it." I giggled and tears filled my eyes. Her new believer enthusiasm for Christ was contagious. The following week they ran video of the baptisms and it was done with "Something Beautiful" playing in the background. And my eyes caught what my ears did not. After the nameless lady came up out of the water, she pumped her fist in the air as she proclaimed victory. Victory in Jesus was hers. She knew it, too...and she knew it was something beautiful.

And with all those random thoughts running through my mind as I laid on that hammock, I found that my 15 minutes was up. Who knew that 15 random thought filled minutes carved out of a busy day could be something beautiful?

Happy Birtday!!

A few weeks ago, we had a birthday party for a close friend. And I made him a cake. This cake...

(Rustifer is his nickname. We live by nicknames around here.)

And yes, I do homeschool my children even though I apparently cannot spell birthday correctly. There's a real reason I messed up, but I won't bore you with the details. The laughter and joking throughout the evening over it was so worth the mistake. It was the kind of laughter that makes you loose your breath. The kind of laughter that makes you cry. I just love that kind of laughter. We embraced the mistake and really got into it, because then we changed the signs....

Everybody has a birthday. But not just anybody can have a birtday ;)

December 2009....

This has been a busy month. And it's held more activity than just my return to work...

Christmas card photos...

Local missions Christmas Party....eyes blackened for protection of the children...the children at the party were neglected and abused and they just don't need any other trouble....but I can tell you that little fella' was the cutest little shepherd I've ever seen!


Made and ate more Christmas treats and goodies than my waistline can handle...and this may not look good, but trust me. It IS veeeeeeeeeeery good. Golden Graham cereal, pretzels, pecans covered in melted white chocolate bark. Mmmmmmmm. Yummy. I may have to loosen my belt just thinking about it....

Fep was in a wedding....


Christmas weddings are just sooooo pretty. Don't you think?

Christmas was spent with some of our favorite friends...

Love, the love of Christ, family, friends, and food. What more could you ask for?

Little Hands...

I know my posts have been sporadic and sparse. I have a lot on my plate, a lot of stress and difficulties, and I think if left to myself, I'd be depressed. But thankfully, the Lord has not left me to myself, so I carry on. And despite my gloom and doom circumstances, there are those who always have it worse, you know? Like our good friends. Our good friends who lost their youngest son at the age of 24. He died suddenly of a heart attack. The doctors told them that two arteries leading to his heart were 100% blocked, one was 90% blocked, and one was 80% blocked. The Bob and I became friends with them before we got married. Back then, these new friends were a young family with 3 children. The youngest was 8 years old. Notice that age 8. Their youngest son who died was the age Moose is now when we first met. Perspective. That's what it gave me is perspective.

Even though he was 24, a child is always his Momma's baby. Always. At the visitation and the funeral, they had pictures of this young man when he was just a baby, a toddler sitting on his Momma's lap as she read to him. The joy on her face. The look of love on her face in those pictures. They needed no words, and they tugged and tore at this Momma's heart. The "Little Slugger" baby jacket sitting in front of one of his baby pictures just about did me in. And there were more than just baby memories there. He had been in the Navy and served our country honorably. Although not a pilot, he served on a team with The Blue Angels. He served in Iraq. Yes, he served our country well.

At the funeral, I cried and cried and cried. And my little 8 year old Moose reached over and grabbed my hand. And it was then that I thought about how he doesn't have baby smooth skin anymore. He's developing his "man" hands. Tough. Rugged. Hands that work. And I held on to that that little Moose hand while just one pew up and one pew over, my friend had to let her little man's hand go....

Find out Who Your Friends Are....

For the most part, I listen to Contemporary Christian Music. However, I do like some good Country Music, too. Not the trashy stuff like Toby Keith or Gretchen Wilson, but the good stuff like Rascal Flatts or Tim McGraw. My latest download on my iPod was a Tracy Lawrence song. Not usually a Tracy Lawrence fan as he's a bit "twangy" for my taste, but one of his latest songs Find Out Who Your Friends Are is a keeper. Partly due to Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney lending their vocal chords to it also. Tim McGraw, did I mention I like him? Anyway, this song is about true friends. The chorus goes something like this:

"You find out who your friends are

Somebody's gonna drop everything

Run out and crank up their car

Hit the gas, get there fast

Never stop to think what's in it for me

Or it's way to far

They just show on up

With their big ol' heart"

I've looked several times to see if it is a Ringtone to no avail. I'd very much like it to be the Ringtone for these two ladies:

Lisa (and me)

Heather (and me....I think we were having way too much fun here :))

Lisa...always encouraging me to have the character and wisdom of Esther (in the Bible), will tell me what I need to hear (not just what I want to hear), will pretty much drop whatever she's doing if I call crying, has driven way way out of her way while pulling horse trailer to rescue me when "life" happens (as in locking your keys in a running car), she loves deeply

Heather...also tells me what I need to hear (and not what I want), will pretty much drop whatever she's doing if I call crying, still remembers Beth while the world has forgotten and is the only person outside of The Bob and I who has seen Beth's picture...she asked to see it, because she, too, loves deeply

One of my church staff members recently said, "Friends make you better. If they aren't making you better they are your ministry."

I think I may be Heather's and Lisa's ministry ;)

Winner? Me? And on my birthday?

I am a winner. A wi-i-i-i-i-i-i-ner. Winner, winner, winner. I'm not excited or anything. Is my excitement a bit much? Fep thinks I should sound more...humble? Probably right. But I won!

So, WHAT prey tell did I win?

I won over at Jen's, and it was a subscription to Birds & Blooms magazine. That may not sound like a big deal to you. And a lot of people may not have heard of that publication, but to self professed bird nerds, it is a big win. Fep and I are so happy :)

And yes, today is my birthday. I'm the big 4 and the big 0 today!

The Honest Scrap Award.

My friend Heathahlee. She's so kind. She awarded me Honest Scrap. I'm verklempt. Okay. Not really. But in receiving this award, I must give you 10 randomly honest things about me. Then I must pass it on to 7. I don't have 7 people in blogland I can pass this on to, because I'm so minuscule in blogland. But I will pass it on to three people. I'll save that for the end. Oh, and the people you pass it on to are supposed to be people that have encouraged you. Encouraged you with their honesty or something like that. Heather is probably so wishing she hadn't passed this on to me right now. I don't think I'm taking it very seriously. How can you take a title like "Honest Scrap" seriously though?

Okay, 10 randomly honest things:

1. I have Vitiligo. An auto-immune disorder that causes you to loose pigment in your skin. You know...the disease Michael Jackson said he had. Well, I have it. For real. I'm afraid one day I'll end up like a spotted cheetah or leopard or something.

2. In addition to having Vitiligo, I'm loosing my hair. It runs in my family as my Aunt was almost bald. I don't think I'll be bald, but I'm looking at really thin hair in my older, older than I am now, years.

3. The fact the the previous two honest tidbits bother me makes me think I am vain. The fact that my third fact is still talking about the previous two makes me know I am vain. Being honest here people. But I don't know many women who think, "Isn't this fantastic! My hair is falling out. I love it." Anyway, I appreciate the Proverbs that says "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Yep. I'm clinging to that.

4. I love Casting Crowns. I am a Casting Crowns groupie. Truly. I've met them, have autographs from band members, and one of the cutest concert t-shirts you'll ever see. You'd like to see it wouldn't you?

I am a Casting Crowns groupie, but not a stalker.

5. I love a tidy house. But I sometimes end up with cluttered closets in making the house tidy ;)

6. I am a Foodie. If you don't want to click on Foodie to see what that means...it just means I watch A LOT of Food Network.

7. My first date with The Bob was a blind date. I didn't say 2 sentences to him and then fell asleep. Isn't it so easy to see why he asked me out again? But he did. And when I introduced him to my Mom on our first "real" date, I called him by the wrong name....I introduced him as Chris. His name is not Chris. Isn't it so easy to see why he asked me to marry him? (giggle) Oh, and I was 21 when The Bob and I met, and 25 when we married.

8. I lived at home until I got married. Yes, I lived at home until I was 25. I've never lived on my own. I was either at home with my parents and then married. Never by myself or with roommates or anything like that.

9. I lost a baby at six months of pregnancy. I'm forever changed by it. But not in a bad way....anyway, her name was Beth.

10. Two months after I had Moose, I had my gallbladder out and a bilateral hernia repair. That was a rough pregnancy....but so worth it ;)

Okay....passing this on to:

**Daisy at The Quiet Life. I love everything about her. Especially her honesty. Her blog has the name of my old blog, and my "life verse"...Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life...(1 Thes 4:11-12) From what I read from her blog, I think we have a lot in common, but I think she is the better part of what I want to be. Oh, and if you home school, she's an excellent source of info, too.

**Then there is Dawn at beyond grace. I love everything about her, too. She makes me smile, warms my heart, and has a humble spirit. Wonderful lady, she is.

**Finally, Jen at unglazed. I love her love for birds. And I love the photos she takes of them. She makes me smile, too. Oh, she has a giveaway going on right now. You could be the lucky winner of a year subscription to Birds and Blooms. So, check her out.

These recipients may now choose to pass it on to 7 encouragingly honest bloggers that they love. And thank you Heathahlee. You know I love you. Always.

Love you...

Yesterday was a heavy, burdensome day. I have several relationships under fire right now and some of it is just beyond my control. It's a heavy load. One relationship that I thought might be under fire was my friendship with Heather. I was afraid I had offended her, and with everything else going on, I was just thinking the worst. But in her comment on my last post, she affirmed her love for me. "...I love you so very much". Those were her words. And once I read that, my day was lighter and things were brighter. All the other junk...it's still there. But with her affirmation, the load was lighter. The load wasn't so heavy.

Never under estimate the power of telling someone you love them. It may be just was they need.

Coming to a close...

My goodness gracious have we been busy. We celebrated Fep's 11th birthday camping. We had such a pretty spot this time. That's Fep, Moose, and Dixie at our spot at sunset. We were right on the lake, and it was wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.

I find that all the summer projects I wanted to get done have not gotten done. We started the window cleaning...not finished. Clean out closets...not done. Get horse trailer listed for sale...not done. Go through homeschool stuff and make way for new stuff...not finished. Repaint bathroom....not done. All this stuff got left behind in the busyness of other stuff. And now summer is coming to a close, and I only hope we can finish the windows and get the horse trailer up for sale....and sold! But in the midst of my Summer To Do's not getting done, we did find time for friends....

And we found time for much needed rest...

And we found time for fun...

My summer is coming to a close as it looks like I'll start up with homeschooling in two short weeks. And yes, we'll finish the windows and sell the trailer (hopefully), but the other stuff, it'll still be there. And we'll be grateful that we left it for camping, family, swimming, friends, and the memories made....

{ And memories are made for unwrappingwith
Emily:) }

An Unlikely Friendship

Fep likes birds. I'm not sure if it's normal for a 10 year old, almost 11, to like birds as much as she does. The Bob calls her our Jane Hathaway.

There is a man who The Bob met through work that is a serious bird watcher. He goes out every weekend and has for years and years and years. He is 70 years old, and Mr. Jeff is his name. Fep and The Bob have gotten to go on a couple of bird excursions with Mr. Jeff, and he has been able to show her birds that we'd never find in our back yard. Can we say Painted Bunting?

Over the past month, Fep has taken to the computer. Not to play games on the computer...okay well maybe she does do that, too...she is still a normal 11 year old even though her passion for birds isn't normal for an 11 year old...she gets on the computer to email, Mr. Jeff. Not her best little girlfriends. Not her family. She emails back and forth with a 70 year old man. They talk about all their bird finds and stories, and she asks him questions. Lots of questions. And Mr. Jeff is so kind that he takes the time to correspond back and forth with her. I was thinking the other day what a lovely and unexpected friendship. Not many children today gives a hoot (get it? Hoot...Owl....Bird. hee hee) about our elders and the wisdom they hold. And there are those elders who are just annoyed by youth. But Fep and Mr. Jeff, I think, have found something special....an unlikely friendship.

Hawaiian Wishes

In this post, I talked about all that Hawaiian decor Heather and I put out. So, who is going to Hawaii? Me? Noooooo. Not me. Better than that. What could possibly be better than ME going to Hawaii? It's that this young lady is going....







In December our company raised money for charity to sponsor a terminally ill child's wish. With the help of our customers and employees and a local retailer in our area, we were able to raise enough money to grant a wish. The approximate cost of one wish is $7000. And that's what was raised. Even at Christmas when people may already be a bit stressed about money, and even in the down economic times, people gave. And they gave. And they gave. We raised almost $5K of that $7K in a period of just 2 days.

This young lady's wish was to go to Hawaii. She was diagnosed with cancer last year and was given a 35% chance of beating it. With a lot of help from St. Jude Children's Hospital and healing from the Lord, our true Healer, she is now in remission....

Her story is not complete without her Mom. Her Mom has literally battled cancer right along with her child. Two months ago, she underwent a double mastectomy for breast cancer. She came, and I thought she looked lovely. This would be Mom with another one of her children, her son....

I was grateful to be a part of this event. Grateful for our employees who sacrificed a lot of their time to help with the fund raiser. Grateful for people who gave even in tough economic times. Grateful for volunteers who work selflessly behind the scenes....


She and her family will leave for Hawaii on Sunday. ALOHA!!

This post is linked at Emily's Tuesdays Unwrapped

Blogs I Love...

I really, really don't think I've been in the blogging world long enough to do this, but I'm doing it anyway. I don't think I formed those deep relationships in my little blog life...yet. And that is what Bloggy Friendship Days is about. However, in my short stint with this blog there are a few ladies that I already adore.

Dawn at Beyond Grace. I believe she stumbled upon me at Emily's Tuesdays Unwrapped. But unlike some people who visit during a linky session and then never come back, Dawn came back. And she came back again. And she came back again. And then she started "Following Me". And as you know in this blogging life, if you find someone who really cares enough about your posts to leave consistent comments, it means the world. She's also a really good writer. She's deep and reflective. She's a grateful lady. So, check her blog out.

Jen at Unglazed She's a recent find who I found through Dawn. She does A to Z Mondays. I think it's Mondays? Anyway, she does A to Z posts where you have a letter of the alphabet...like say "C". Your post for that day will have to be about a "C" word like cat, coffee, Cuba...whatever :) Anyway, not only that be she takes AMAZING animal pictures. Lots of bird pictures. And I love me some birds. And she can tell cute, funny, little stories with her pictures. Even my children like to look at her blog...and that says A LOT. What blog is interesting enough to please a child? They usually look at a blog, and are like "Eh. Whatever." But they love Jen's animal pictures. And like Dawn, she's been coming to see me just because I left her a little comment about her pictures.

And finally, the one, the only Susie Harris This lady is one of the sweetest, kindest, most genuine people that I have gotten to meet. I've actually MET The Susie Harris! It was at Blissdom in February when I was tagging long with my IRL best buddy Heathahlee. And I do mean tagging along, because I didn't even have a blog at the time. I only went to get some girl bonding time with Heather. Anyway, as big as Susie's blog is, and as much as she has going on, she also takes time to visit my little corner of the world. I'm just a blip in this blog life, and Susie is huge in Blogland, but she remembers me from Blissdom and probably how I followed Heather around like a puppy. She treats me like I'm her friend. Her blog slogan is "Where Friends Become Family". How sweet is that!? I heart her. She simply has the sweetest spirit about her.

My next post will fill you in on WHO is going to Hawaii and why Heather and I did all that decorating! :)

A Servant's Heart

I'm quite convinced that the picture which should go along with the word "servant" in the dictionary should have HeathahLee's picture by it.

Our company had a function at a restaurant tonight in which we needed to have a Hawaiian theme. When I hit Heather up for a favor, I like to give her advance notice. So, I gave her a whole 2 hour notice this morning to get herself ready, and then drag her and her Kiddo around in the heat (it's 100 degrees here) with me to get together what we needed for said company function. The thing is that I do this to her all the time. And she loves me anyway. She has come to my rescue more times than I can count. Like when I needed a singer for a wedding that was at my house for people she didn't even know. Like when she spent the entire day of that wedding running around with me getting stuff and coming back to my house and helping me decorate. And then she sang. And then she helped clean up after the wedding. I could go on and on. Stuff she probably wouldn't even think of or remember. Why? Because not only is she a servant, she's a humble servant.

Oh, how I heart this woman.


If you don't have a friend like this, you seriously need to get one! And if your dictionary doesn't have her picture by the word servant, you probably need a new one ;)

And just why did we need to decorate with a Hawaiian theme?

Well, somebody's going to Hawaii. Stay tuned and see :)

Oh, and finally, this post is linked at Emily's Tuesday's Unwrapped. This day would have been just rush, rush, hurry, hurry without Heather in the mix. She made my super busy day fun and light hearted. We ate lunch. We laughed. We giggled. And we put out cheesy Hawaiian decor. Well, we hoped it didn't look cheesy. Or not too cheesy.

And may we all have a servant's heart...

Finding the good...

The past week was pretty crummy to say the least. I won't even bore you with all the details. Really, why bother? Shouldn't our focus be on finding the good? Yes, in the midst of a not so great week, each day had a treasure of it's own.

Monday - Memorial Day. Remembering self-less sacrifices of others. Time spent with The Bob and the kids.

Tuesday - a quiet day at home. Just me and the kids. Front porch swinging. A special young lady comes over to announce she's engaged, and asks Fep to be a bridesmaid! Awesome.

Wednesday - A rainbow. A reminder of God's unfailing love and always kept promises.

Thursday - a loved dog that likes to lay with her rear end sticking out from under the bed. I'm not sure if she thinks she hiding or what?

Friday - Moose turns 8!! Swimming with friends. Opening some birthday presents. What gets better than that?
Saturday - Missing dogs give us a scare, but return safely home.

Sunday - Moose's official birthday bash. Swimming. Hot dogs. Hamburgers. And lots and lots of friends. He got to spend time with his friends, and I got to spend time with mine...

Might I mention that the lovely blonde haired lady on the left is 50 years old and has 9 children. Yes, I said nine. She is amazing! I heart these ladies.

And I heart Heathahlee. Oh, I do.

Yep, it was a good week after all. There's just no telling what treasures I'll find hidden in this week....

Grown Up

Is this the young girl that walked in my kitchen at 14, just a teenager, to keep my children for me? Is this the young girl that kept my children for me for years and was the best babysitter you could ever ask for? This is the young girl who taught Moose that he didn't need to be pushed to swing, and he could do it on his own. This is the young girl that gathered sticks in the yard with Fep and built a real tee pee. This is the young girl that modeled godly character to my children and loved them. She loved them and still does. But now...


this young girl is all grown up. And she's getting married. Man, she still looks so...young. Congratulations, Jarah. We love you!

Nothing is everything.

When I started this blog, I didn't do it to become "big" in the blog world. There are others far more worthy than myself for that. I did it because blogging makes me really notice things. It makes me very reflective. The blog was to be my little online journal. My little online scrapbook. My Reflections. I would say that for the most part, I've stayed true to that purpose.

Last week I didn't link up with Emily and Tuesdays Unwrapped., but I could have. I realized that every other post I have could be linked. This whole blog, for the most part, focuses largely on the simple little things that my family does that brings me joy. Things that would be largely overlooked if I didn't put it out here on the world wide web. Not for the world wide web and it's audience, but for me. So, that I'll remember.

I want to remember these faces,

these times,

and goodness knows that I would not want to forget this dog.

To most this blog is nothing, but to me it's everything.