The lost "I Love You"...

I thought that he might want to, ya know. Even though he's nine years old and really far too old for them...suddenly last night he was my baby again.

((a flurry of activity occurs in our house as we get Moose ready for church camp...his first trip away....alone....by himself....ever))

Me: Moose do you want to take your Peep?

((I was prepared to tell him how he could smuggle it in his suitcase and pull it out a night

when nobody could see))

Moose: ((Shakes head no))

Me: Oh. You want to be a big boy?

Moose: Yes Mam.

So, we finished packing with The Bob labeling everything that went into his suitcase with his initials, address, and the like. I think he labeled everything with that Sharpie except Moose himself. Me constantly telling him where his Benadryl and his Epi-Pen were in his backpack should he get stung by a a bee...or even worse, a wasp.

This morning we got up in plenty of time to get him to church. His dad left for work before anybody was awake, so he called him to tell him bye on the ride to church. Then he passed the phone to me, and The Bob talked to me about being very upbeat and not all sad and whinny so that Moose could in turn be a big boy and not be scared. We pulled into the parking lot, and the church rented a big charter bus. He's never ridden on such a big bus, so already the adventure was beginning. After waiting for the final parents and children to arrive, and after a brief summary and prayer by the Children's Pastor, the parents were told they could go. So in my very upbeat and happy voice, I told Moose bye...and we left. My last shot of him was out of the corner of my eye. He was headed toward some little boys...surely going to make friends. He makes friends easy.

((In the parking lot))

Fep: Are you about to CRY?

((strange that she knew because I had on sunglasses and she couldn't see my eyes))

Me: I'm thinking about it.

((In the car))

Me: ((Tears begin to stream)) I don't think I told him I love him. Fep, you know I love you even when I don't say it, right? Surely, he knows I love him.

((I drive contemplating how much of an idiot I would look like if I turned around, went back to church, and hugged him and told him I love him...))

I was so concerned about being all upbeat and happy and trying to ease his nervousness that my "I love you" got lost. Surely he knows from all the other times I tell him. I really do tell him often. And really, how could you not love a Moose like this....