Losing my cool...

This post caught my eye, mind, and heart the Saturday morning I read it. I happen to very much agree with the post. I do believe there is a movement of coolness in church that is watering down the Gospel.

Hours later I had to go to Walmart wearing a t-shirt that happened to be a Chrisitan t-shirt...if I can remember...maybe even from my church. Not that what I was wearing was important, but I was branding myself with that t-shirt. Anyway, our small Mississippi town has it's very own "Rain Man". And I hope you know the Dustin Hoffman character to which I am referring. Our Rain Man's name is Michael. He is a mid 30's black man who loves children...and I mean LOVES children...never meets a stranger...and his special gift is that he can tell you the day of the week that you were born. Tell him your birthday by month, day, and year and he can tell you within seconds the day of the week you were born. It's quite amazing. And most every one in town I think knows Michael by now. So, Moose and I were in Walmart and out of nowhere there is Michael. He grabs Moose for a hug, and begins to start up a conversation...very loudly. I could feel every eye at the check out area on me, and I was wishing he'd really go away. It did not take me too long from leaving the store to realize I was too cool...or so I thought...to engage Michael without worrying about the others around me. And my heart sank at my shallowness. Had I not earlier just read about being too cool? Remember that when you obtain wisdom and knowledge that you are accountable for it. After reading and agreeing with that post, I was then accountable for it.



This is a R movie and I don't think this will have anything offensive in it as it's just the trailer for the movie. Dustin Hoffman's character just reminds me so much of Michael...I hope to see Michael again, soon. And next time, I hope I'm completely uncool.

The better part...

I had been thinking about her. She's growing so fast...probably only about 5 years now before she's leaving the nest. Five very short, blink of an eye years. I had been thinking about her and how so very much like me she is. Shy. Introverted. And unfortunately...moody. But then I thought about her spirit...tender, soft, moldable. She's so much more than I was at her age. If you took her tender age of almost 13, it took me another 10 years to my life to yield what the Holy Spirit is creating in her. And then I thought, "She's the better part of me." And then life happened and she argued with her brother and had a moody moment and the better part of me seemed to be not so much better.

Days later, she was exerting a bit of a pre-teen, growing pains kind of attitude, and it really got next to me. As her little body is already in puberty, and hormonal changes abound, I thought, "This is crazy. She has got to be close to getting her monthly visitor!" There were tears and a lot of them, but I knew I was right, and I would not be swayed by her pre-teen tantrum. I left her to herself to gather herself and regroup. I went a while later to check on her, and she opened her bedroom door with big eyes that were obviously still wet. I thought to myself, "You have got to be kidding me? Are we still not over this?" And I asked her, "Are you still crying?" And then that better part showed up. In a blubbering mess of her little self she said, "I am so sorry! I am so embarrassed by how ugly I've acted. That's why I've stayed in my room. I've been too embarrassed to come out because of how I acted." I scooped her up with a big hug and a kiss on the head and told her all was forgiven. She's definitely the better part. Definitely. So much more tender to the Holy Spirit, humility, and repentance than I ever thought about being at her age. I wasn't really taught those things though as I didn't grow up in a Christ centered home. But nevertheless, she's me, and she is the better part....

Be small...

Her words always touch me. Always move me. And I don't know if I read them in a post on her site or if it was off of my DaySpring dayminder taken from her book, One Thousand Gifts. And it doesn't really matter which it was. Only that I found them. And that I needed them. The words?


"Bend the knee...be small...and let God give what He wants to give..." ~ Ann Voskamp

I could not get them out of my head yesterday. Be small. Or today. Be small. When I want to complain and complain that my feelings are hurt....be small. When I want to justify my emotions and attitude...be small. When it's not fun or anything that you would look forward to, but it's the *right* thing to do.....be small. Maybe so many feelings would not be hurt, maybe such high expectations would not be put on friendships, and maybe I'd keep my attitude and heart in check if only I would be small. What keeps me from being small? Pride. Self. What keeps me from wanting to accept what God gives? For being thankful for what He gives? The same.

Today I'm small...and I will be thankful for what He gives.....

"He must increase, but I must decrease" ~ John 3:30

Late birthday post...

I tried to get this post up on her birthday, but blogger was messed up the night I tried to do it and through the next morning, too, so I couldn't. And then after I missed the official date of her birth, the intensity in getting it done decreased a bit. Just that it got done was important, so here I am.

Beth's birthday was May 12th. However, that day actually isn't as significant to me as Mother's Day in remembering her, because it was on Mother's Day that we found out she was gone and that she had quietly slipped away to be with Jesus. And that Mother's Day of her passing has forever changed my Mother's Days since. So grateful, so blessed with the two that I have still here, but so desperately missing her. Kind of like the Scripture that talks about the 99 sheep and the 1 that is missing, ya know? I have light and shadows all rolled up in one on Mother's Day now....

I was taking The Bob's mom home after Mother's Day activities while he and the kids stayed home and worked in the garden. After I dropped her off, I decided to stop by the cemetery where Beth was buried as it's only about 5 minutes or less away. The thoughts rolled through my mind on my way there that I was such a loser mom because I hadn't been in forever and it had been forever since I had put flowers on her grave. Her grave was surely bare. And what kind of mom, what good mom, goes years without putting flowers on her child's grave? I only can make myself feel better knowing she's always, always in my heart and she's really with Jesus anyway. All these thoughts rolling, and then I see it. Oh my....


Somebody put flowers there! I actually think they may have blown off another's grave and someone just put them in one of her vases. But when I drove up and saw them, my heart caught. And aren't they perfect for a little girl? White. Pink. Pink ribbon. Perfect. All I can think is that the Lord cares so much more deeply than we remember sometimes...and He covered for this "loser mom" making sure my baby had flowers...and He reminded this "loser mom" that He has held me the whole time since her passing...and while the Scripture says that the one with 99 sheep will go looking for the lost one, I need not wonder or look for Beth. She's with Jesus.....

Just because...

It was late. He gets home late a lot. Work does that to us. Sometimes we don't know if we own a business or if it owns us. But it was late, and I was hungry. I looked to see if he would sit in the driveway and finish up his day on the phone, and who knows how long that could take, and I was hungry. But just as I was thinking I'd go ahead and start eating without him, I saw the outside dark. No truck lights, no cell phone lights, and I knew that it meant he was coming in. And I was hungry. And he came in with a big, colorful, beautiful hydrangea and a card. Just because....



And then I forgot how hungry I was. Taken back by the beauty of that hydrangea, the perfect words on the card, and that he did it all just because. I often don't feel worthy of just because...

The next morning I was fetching some work he had brought home for me and left in his truck. And as I was digging through, I saw it. The Love Dare. Remember that book made hugely popular by the movie, Fireproof? And I knew. I knew. I knew that he had completed Day 1 with those flowers and card....which actually made them that much more special. Because everybody and their brother was reading and going through that book a few years ago. But we rather didn't get to it and let it sit on a shelf. And he's grabbed that book off the shelf, and he's not going through it because everybody else is or because it's part of a church marriage builder, but he's doing it just because....just because....he loves me....

I didn't tell him I found the book. I knew he probably wanted to go through it quietly himself. And when I told him that I had gotten the work from his truck, the look on his face told me that, indeed, he wanted to go through the book quietly...just because he loves me....

U.S. South tornadoes response | World Vision

I went online to make our monthly contribution to Rohit in India. And then I watched this on their site. And I cried. I cried over their circumstances, but I think I cried more over my selfishness. Earlier I had been making sure that the kids knew what I wanted for Mother's Day. A new comforter for our bed. I've been lusting over a new comforter for about six months now. Ours is getting old and worn, and I think it's about six years old or maybe more...I don't know. And it doesn't really matter. Because it still keeps me warm at night. How in the world can I now recieve such a gift when others, my neighbors right here in Mississippi, have lost....everything...



“You only have what you give away. All that you’ll ever have is only what you’ve shared” ~ Ann Voskamp

James 3: A Story

This was shown at church last year. Sadly, my family has gone to church this way. I dare say many families on many Sundays go to church this way. Watch and be convicted as I was...

It's Friday...it is only Friday...

Making room for one more...or three...

The theme for this DNOW this year was "degrees". The speaker said that if you looked up the word degrees that the definition would define it as a point of reference or point of intensity...or something like that. I'm too lazy to look it up right now :) So, the theme for the weekend, "Where are you in your level of intensity with the Lord?"

Our youth pastor, Jay, contacted me Saturday before the event and asked if 10 girls and 3 leaders would be too many for me and was it ok with me. Please keep in mind they stay overnight for the weekend on Friday and Saturday. My house is smallish...by today's standards. Approximately 1800 sq. ft. Jay did try to keep the groups to 6-8 kids, but I thought 2 more won't be too bad. So, I said it would be fine. We were really only talking 2 more kids, right?

Wednesday evening I did not make it to church and late Wednesday evening one of the youth leaders called and said, "I have 3 more girls that really need to be at DNOW. Jay will not add them without you and The Bob saying it is ok. Can they please come?" My first reaction (which I kept to myself): "Are you SERIOUS?! Where in the world am I going to put 3 more people? Do you realize that would be a total of SIXTEEN PEOPLE with 13 girls and 3 leaders?" But I couldn't shake that the youth leader said it was a "need". I couldn't stand the thought of being a roadblock to the Lord working in somebody's life. Not that the Lord needs me or my house to do what He will, but you get the point. So, I said, while feeling a bit overwhelmed, "Sure! We'll find somewhere to put them."

Last time I said popular or unpopular we all just need Jesus. Well, these 3 girls added did need Jesus. And one of those three girls...was saved! And when I found out, I was so completely overwhelmed, so completely blessed, and so completely beside myself that we made room....we made room for 3 more...and it made even my level of itensity with Jesus rise :)

DNOW

photo credit

I decided I would serve. And I spent the better part of the week cleaning and getting ready. I think I should have been in prayer more. For their hearts. The evening was here and I met my crew. They were girls of all kinds spending the whole weekend in my home for DNOW (church youth event). Actually, they are still here, and I have a gazillion things to do, but I'm writing this instead. So, I can remember. They are all pre-teen and early teen in age, and there are sweet girls, pretty girls, popular girls, and unpopular girls. And it's one of unpopular girls who seems to have taken me back a bit. I should have a special place in my heart for unpopular girls...as I was unpopular, too. This girl is slow. Like you could tell she is maybe a special needs. And so I'm trying to make it a point to not cast her off. I think I need to try harder. They are all at church now with their leader going through there sessions and small community mission projects, and so I began to tidy up a bit. I'm just saying having 13 girls and 3 leaders in your home and spending the night for the weekend...in your small home...well, it's an excellent way to give up yourself. Anyway, I'm tidying, and putting things up. And I come upon the unpopular girls stuff. It's worn and not new and fancy like some of the other girls things. And I should have a special place in my heart for girls like that cause I grew up on the poor side and didn't always have new or fancy. I move her stuff over so I can get in a closet to put some things away. I look down and see him...or her. It's mostly covered but I can just see it enough, and I pull it out. A stuffed animal so worn and loved. And I don't know why but tears filled my eyes? Well, I do know why. In a time when pre-teen and teen girls are so past the stuffed animal stage, this young girl is not. I wonder what the popular girls, way too cool for stuffed animals would say. Well, nothing because it is a church event, but I can't help but have my heart filled by her, her tattered things, and that worn out stuffed animal.

So, I'm off. Off to pray for these young ladies in the making. And I'll pray earnestly for them all...knowing that whether unpopular or popular...we just all really need Jesus.