Fish are friends not food....

So, I have once again joined Weight Watchers. About 3 years ago I joined and lost 20 or so pounds. Fast forward to now and I gained all that back plus some. Once I reached "maintenance" I got all lazy about going in to weigh. It was all down hill after that. A pound here. Two pounds there. And so on...

Weight Watchers works for me because:

1. I hate paying for it. I'm a frugal wannabe kind of gal, and if I'm paying hard earned cash lose that weight, I'm going to stick to it. Once you hit maintenance on Weight Watchers for 6 weeks you don't have to pay the fees any longer. I had just gotten to free three years ago, and I quit going..

2. It makes me accountable. Nothing like standing on a scale for somebody every week.

3. I can still have a treat. Last week I lost 1.4 lbs and that was with all the good holiday eating.

4. It's rather fun. Seriously. Fun. Those meetings are cheesy and corny and motivational all rolled in one.

After the first meeting, the kids and I decided the meetings felt something like this scene from Finding Nemo:

Hello. My name is Kathy. I am a nice person not a mindless eating machine. It has been three weeks since my last Krispy Kreme ;)

Tebow and Voskamp

What could Tim Tebow and Ann Voskamp possibly have in common?

One person extremely famous. One person with only moderate fame. But both with a passion for Jesus.

Then I read it early in the morning. A story on students getting suspended for "Tebowing". I couldn't help but walk away from the article thinking, "I wonder if his message is getting lost. Are we starting to bow before Tebow instead of bowing before Christ?"

I leave the article to check email where daily I get Ann Voskamp's daily blog post. She never ceases to challenge. She never ceases to touch my heart. She never ceases to make me want to seek a little harder after Christ. And sometimes, dare I say it? I'd really like to be like her.

Then the thoughts hit hard...."You should not want to be like Ann Voskamp. You should want to be like the One she emulates. Just like the Tebow thing." She's only trying to point to the Cross and not herself. She's just daily trying to empty herself of herself. And it comes hard. But when we truly seek Christ, when we truly want to look more like Him, we have to abandon self. Self dies hard. Putting off idols. Putting off self. Putting on Jesus......

Hope for the outcast....

For some reason lately, I've been thinking a lot about who I am and how I am. That I grew up being extremely introverted and shy. That I've walked a lot in the shadow of others. That I was rather an outcast in high school. I had been thinking on these things, and during our sermon a couple of weeks ago, our pastor made the comment, "God calls us be ourselves. Stop wishing you were someone else." And my heart broke, as I have many times wished I was like someone else. Prettier. Smarter. Wittier. More talented (any talent would be good). More outgoing. That night in our small group, one of the youth in our group talked about how he thought a good thing to do was to go to that person who sits alone at school and talk with them. Later in the conversation, The Bob encouraged that young man to do just that if it was on his heart. And The Bob said, "I married an introverted and shy girl who spent her time at school alone." And my eyes welled with tears barely able to maintain my composure as others in the group looked and stared at me. Even as I type it now, my eyes fill. Wounds have healed but scars remain. And there is the wonder of who the Lord has turned me into and the friendships that I now have.

Then yesterday, through blog hopping I ended up at a blog of a fellow church member. And she talked about how her heart broke for her middle school aged son who it sounds like is enduring similar to what I did all through school. I don't even know this family and my heart broke for him. Because I've been there. Because I know. If I could talk with him, I would tell him you'll grow up. You'll find your place over time. You'll have great friends. And stay grounded in the Lord and choose friends who are grounded in the Lord and you'll be amazed at how you are blessed by those friendships. I'd tell him that me the shy and outcast girl in her school ended up marrying the most popular boy in his school! Funny how the Lord works those things out. I'd tell him it really is just a season and that those school years seem like they will go on forever, but they are just a blink. And although his middle school aged youth may keep him from seeing what a mature 42 years allow me to see...I'd tell him what really matters, what really matters most, is who we are in Christ. He is the hope for the outcast.

Just get in....

This post. This post is mostly a picture post. And the pictures, as always, are beautiful. But the first three sentences sink down deep.

"Sometimes you just have to get into the boat. Because getting in the boat comes before you get to walk on water. Every miracle always begins with the first ordinary step of faithfulness." ~ Ann Voskamp

And my heart is heavy and I wonder how many times I pass by the boat or just plain refuse to get in? Am I faithful enough? Am I obedient enough? And what miracles do I miss because I miss the boat?

Oh Jesus, help me today. Help me to just get in the boat. You'll do the rest......

Words in print...

When I was wearing my Micah 6:8 necklace and friends saw it for the first time, they all immediately commented and asked. So I shared where it came from and why Micah 6:8. And it had dawned on me as I had been wearing it and I shared with them that when you wear scripture around your neck...and it's your husband's verse...it's kinda hard to be irritated, aggravated, frustrated, or have anything other than super loving thoughts about your husband. Not that The Bob would ever do anything to irritate or frustrate me ;) As I am a self confessed moody person, I was having a moody moment this past Saturday, and I giggled and said, "I think I need to go put on my Micah 6:8 necklace." After the bear of a stressful day on Tuesday, I was thinking I just needed to take a rope and wear the Bible around my neck. Seriously.

There is just something about words in print. I have recently noticed I can sing worship songs all week long. And I do, in fact, listen to worship and praise music on my iPod almost daily. But put the words in print in front of me on an overhead at church or just looking at lyrics on the computer along with the music....seeing it and verbalizing it...it seeps down into my heart in the crevices that are dry or hurting...and it hydrates and heals...And as I type, I think about reading scripture out loud or just looking at the words meditating....and yes, there is just something about words in print...especially His Word...

For the days in between...

I surely hope I never come across that I think I have arrived or that I have it all together. Because goodness knows, I don't. I. do. not. A good number of posts that go up are my "happy" and "let's make sure I remember this" posts. But there are the days in between. And some of those days are just so ordinary that they are unbloggable. And then there are those days like yesterday. A day that tears run down a good bit of the day. Struggling with the the burdens and weight of life, the consequences of sin that are far reaching in ways you'd never imagine, and struggling with offering grace for that sin. A day of feeling the weight of knowing that I know that Grace personally and why can't I offer it as freely as He offers it to me? Trying to hard to get there.

I read a quote today by Emily Freeman that said, "Grace doesn't balance out...or marry law. And that can be uncomfortable. If grace doesn't in some way and on some level offend you, then perhaps you haven't met Jesus." I had to think about that for a while. I had to let it sink in. And I think maybe I get it now? Grace isn't always fair. Actually, grace may never be fair. Extending grace is hard and uncomfortable. Particularly the kind of grace that Jesus extends to us...to me. But Jesus doesn't call us to comfort. And sometimes we are just plain ole going to have the days in between...the days that hurt...the days that are uncomfortable. And His Love and His Grace are in those days, too...and He will get me to the point that I can extend His Grace to those as undeserving as me.

Yes. His Love and Grace are especially for the days in between.

Micah 6:8

(Isn't that the cutest and sweetest? I got it yesterday, and I wore it for the first time today. I LOVE it. And I got this one for a gift. The Adpot Shoppe on Etsy. Go browse her stuff!)

After browsing The Adpot Shoppe site, I knew immediately I wanted this. Right after we were married, Micah 6:8 became The Bob's verse, his "life verse". I remember him saying, almost 16 years ago, "You know it's really simple what we are supposed to do. All the Lord really wants from us is Micah 6:8". We had it framed and years later when it was broken, I had it newly printed and framed for him for Christmas. And it still sits there on his side of the dresser today. So, I got the necklace/pendant out of my love for Him and for him.

I picked it up and rubbed it all day today. I had to go into work as we are extremely short handed at the office. So, it was just me and The Bob there today. And our service techs, but they aren't IN the office. Today, when we had a disagreement over an employee and an excessive amount of time taken off (long story) and I being irritated and down right put out with the employee and him ever patient...and when I went through some statements to send out and came across one in particular he wanted redone so that it did not show a past due notice...even though it is past due...I just started to giggle, and I thought about the level of mercy he has. And then as I was working I remembered him telling us, me and the kids, not too terribly long ago...."I would rather be the one who is taken advantage of. I would rather be the one who comes out on the short end. I would rather be the one put out." He would rather make himself less...to make others more. And for this Christlike quality, I am most grateful.

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?" ~ Micah 6:8

A Mighty Fortress...

Worship I never ever get tired of. And take note Heathahlee, should something tragic happen to me, and I die...please sing this at my funeral. Okay? :)

Beauty....

So, Fep and I have began our journey through her birthday book Uncompromising: A Heart Changed by Radical Love. The first chapter was on Beauty and all that encompasses including looks and weight. And I was very surprised at the conversation it spurred between Fep and I. I've known of her own insecurities with her looks, but I was surprised as she began to share with me of her friends insecurities as well. Cause good Christian girls should be confident in who they are in the Lord, right? Foolish my thinking. Good Christian girls are real girls.

It's not surprising that I have know and have known several adults, friends and family, that have succumbed to plastic surgery in some form or fashion. To be honest, I have my own struggles with body parts in this aging 41 year old body! I have to constantly remind myself of Proverbs 31:30. And I know. I know it's all vanity.

Where does it stop? When will our society's focus on beauty end? When we all, even us good Christians, start focusing on what true beauty is.

"Do not let your adorning be external-the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."

1 Peter 3:3-4

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

Proverbs 31:30

Thirteen....

The Bob calls an infant carrier/carseat a "baby basket". And it always makes me smile when I hear him say, "Fep, I can still remember the day we brought a little dark hair baby girl home in a baby basket!" Believe it or not she had head full of almost black hair when she was born. And today that little blonde haired girl turns 13. Today she turns 13? Really? It seems like just yesterday that we brought her home in a baby basket. All the time in between seems to have passed just that quickly...from yesterday to today. And I'll blink my eyes, and then she'll be 18. It hurts my Mom heart to see her grow up and away, and at the same time, I can't wait to see the woman that the LORD fashions her to be! Why is watching your children grow up so heart filling and so heartbreaking all at the same time?

She's changing so very fast. Her own thoughts, her own opinions, her own ideas. Sometimes I like her budding independence. Sometimes I want her to be 7 years old again. I miss the days of My Little Ponies that have now been replaced with with an iPod. She's in between really....one minute she's playing with Legos and the next minute she asks me at what age can she wear makeup? The makeup question...it blindsided me. So, over the next several and very short years, I hope to continue to expand on teaching that we started when she was just a little little girl. The purity book we've read since she was just a little girl was The Princess Kiss, and now she's ready for a "big girl" purity book, and we'll read over the course of the next several weeks Uncompromising: A Heart Changed by Radical Love. Purity, Modesty, Real Beauty, Biblical Womanhood... all so very lost in our society. I'm so grateful that she truly has a heart for the LORD and she will continue to embrace that teaching, I believe.

Today she turns 13. So, we will celebrate today with family and friends and gifts and cake. There will be lots of excitement and lots of laughter in this day. There will also be lots of love.....and to be honest there will be a corner of my heart that aches just a bit as I try to soak it all in......