Monday, November 8, 2010

I find myself lately growing and stretching in ways I'm uncomfortable with. Wanting to let go of what is life draining to find and take hold of what is life fulfilling. Again, I'm uncomfortable and I find that the ugliness of my heart greets me at every corner. "The heart is desperately wicked..." the Scriptures so aptly testify. When I talk with Jesus, I say often "Lord, I'm so glad you've shown me this so that I can work on it, so that I can repent....but it's so hard to see who I really am." I'm so thankful for the One who extends grace when He's known all along who I really am. His grace goes further still.

And with this growing and changing, I wonder often what to do with this blog. I barely post anymore, and I wonder is it because I'm still trying to post for others...is it because I'm caught up in the busyness of life I can't find the words or time...is it because I've nothing of worth to say...is it a combination of all of that??? Does this blog give life or does it drain? I've gone private and back public again. Does any of it really matter?

I've decided that maybe it does matter. That maybe this blog gives life. Because most of what is recorded is the goodness that He creates. They are my memories. My loves. My family. Our stories. One day when I'm gone or if something tragic were to happen to me, my husband and children could come to these pages and remember me. The good parts of me that loved the great parts of them.