Let God...

Over a year ago I read I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy by Angie Smith. As a little side note and tidbit, she is the wife of the lead singer of the group Selah. An excellent read for anyone who has lost a child. One of the things I took from the book other than finding someone to identify with the grief of losing a baby is this point that she made: When Jesus was told that Lazarus was sick, he was simply told that Lazarus was sick. It wasn't "Jesus, Lazarus is sick and this is how I want you to fix it and this is how I want you to comfort me and this is how I want you etc., etc." And when Jesus was told there was no more wine, He was told simply that. There was no more wine. It wasn't "Jesus there is no more wine and we really could use some more and could you get us some somehow someway. Go to the store, perform a miracle, etc., etc." He was simply told the wine was gone, and then He did, in fact, perform a miracle turning water to wine. How often I tell God my problem and tell Him how I'd like it fixed. "Lord, Fep needs braces. Could you provide a big tax refund this year to pay for them?" I couldn't just leave it at "Lord, Fep needs braces." Lately in my prayer life, I've been trying to just leave it at "Lord, Fep needs braces." It is hard.

Our business can literally be feast or famine. And this morning when there wasn't enough calls to keep our techs busy for the day, I started in with "Lord, we need provision and could you cause the phone to ring, and what about this and what about that. That could provide work." But this morning remembering I just needed to tell Jesus the problem and not the solution, I stopped. I just had to stop myself. "Lord we don't have work." And that was sufficient. I work often from home, and my worry wart self decided to look at the dispatch board in the computer late this afternoon. And I was moved to tears as He is faithful to provide. Even without me telling Him how to do it and how to fix it.

I'm reminded of Ann's quote, "Bend the knee, be small, and let God give what He wants to give." Lord, keep me small. Lord, help me to remember to tell you my problem and not tell you how to fix it.

Word!...

So, after the last post you'd think my word for the year is "Gratitude". But it's not. That was probably my word last year. This year's word...

Proverbs talks a lot about the simple, and not necessarily in a good way! I'm not talking that kind of simple, I'm talking simplifying...simplicity in order. I've lived a cluttered, busy, too busy, unorganized, and unplanned several months. Our home, my attitude, our finances have all suffered because of it. Maybe "intentional" would be my runner up word. Careful thought to what goes on the calendar, how the days are spent, where that money goes. When I think about simplifying my life, it gives me a warm fuzzy.

What word inspires you?

17th Year...

17 Years ago today I married The Bob. Three little tidbits of what I know:

*You have to fight for your marriage, and while there are seasons of highs there are also seasons of lows. A great marriage doesn't just happen without work. The pressure of the world, friends, children, extended family, work, hobbies, activities, finances, and plain ole life will all try to crowd out what was set apart for you and your spouse. Not to mention the devil delights in failed marriages.

*Love is a commitment. Not a warm fuzzy. Not that warm fuzzies don't happen, but that warm fuzzies are surface and commitments go deep.

*People change. But hopefully if your marriage is Christ-centered, you'll grow in the change for the good and the better. Our marriage should enhance who we are in Christ. So thankful to be married to a man who does just that.

A Year of Graces....

When I saw this from Ann Voskamp, I knew I was in. It sounds so simple. Too easy. Write down one, just one, thing for the day you found to be grateful for. Only one thing. But then she pointed out, just one thing, and at the end of the year you have charted 365 things. All by His grace. And as He has changed my heart through her words over the past year regarding gratitude, I knew that it was something that must be fostered not just in my heart but also in the heart of my children. So, Sunday evening as we set out our goals and family goals for 2012, I pulled out their sheets. And I copied one for the Bob (too lazy to print out another ;)). And he said, "Let's hang them altogether." All that thankfulness lined up for all to see.

I never realized how powerful, just 3 days in, that it would be. That on day 1 gratitudes would be found in altars and prayers of friends. And all that Grace showing through the heart of my children.

Ann signs off so much of what she writes with "All is grace". Shaun Groves, of Compassion, pointed out in a song he wrote because of her saying those words, that there is deep profoundness in those three little words. All. Is. Grace. I'll let you think about that for a minute...let it seep deep into your heart...

If you'd like to chart A Year of Graces you can go here.

Fish are friends not food....

So, I have once again joined Weight Watchers. About 3 years ago I joined and lost 20 or so pounds. Fast forward to now and I gained all that back plus some. Once I reached "maintenance" I got all lazy about going in to weigh. It was all down hill after that. A pound here. Two pounds there. And so on...

Weight Watchers works for me because:

1. I hate paying for it. I'm a frugal wannabe kind of gal, and if I'm paying hard earned cash lose that weight, I'm going to stick to it. Once you hit maintenance on Weight Watchers for 6 weeks you don't have to pay the fees any longer. I had just gotten to free three years ago, and I quit going..

2. It makes me accountable. Nothing like standing on a scale for somebody every week.

3. I can still have a treat. Last week I lost 1.4 lbs and that was with all the good holiday eating.

4. It's rather fun. Seriously. Fun. Those meetings are cheesy and corny and motivational all rolled in one.

After the first meeting, the kids and I decided the meetings felt something like this scene from Finding Nemo:

Hello. My name is Kathy. I am a nice person not a mindless eating machine. It has been three weeks since my last Krispy Kreme ;)

Tebow and Voskamp

What could Tim Tebow and Ann Voskamp possibly have in common?

One person extremely famous. One person with only moderate fame. But both with a passion for Jesus.

Then I read it early in the morning. A story on students getting suspended for "Tebowing". I couldn't help but walk away from the article thinking, "I wonder if his message is getting lost. Are we starting to bow before Tebow instead of bowing before Christ?"

I leave the article to check email where daily I get Ann Voskamp's daily blog post. She never ceases to challenge. She never ceases to touch my heart. She never ceases to make me want to seek a little harder after Christ. And sometimes, dare I say it? I'd really like to be like her.

Then the thoughts hit hard...."You should not want to be like Ann Voskamp. You should want to be like the One she emulates. Just like the Tebow thing." She's only trying to point to the Cross and not herself. She's just daily trying to empty herself of herself. And it comes hard. But when we truly seek Christ, when we truly want to look more like Him, we have to abandon self. Self dies hard. Putting off idols. Putting off self. Putting on Jesus......

Hope for the outcast....

For some reason lately, I've been thinking a lot about who I am and how I am. That I grew up being extremely introverted and shy. That I've walked a lot in the shadow of others. That I was rather an outcast in high school. I had been thinking on these things, and during our sermon a couple of weeks ago, our pastor made the comment, "God calls us be ourselves. Stop wishing you were someone else." And my heart broke, as I have many times wished I was like someone else. Prettier. Smarter. Wittier. More talented (any talent would be good). More outgoing. That night in our small group, one of the youth in our group talked about how he thought a good thing to do was to go to that person who sits alone at school and talk with them. Later in the conversation, The Bob encouraged that young man to do just that if it was on his heart. And The Bob said, "I married an introverted and shy girl who spent her time at school alone." And my eyes welled with tears barely able to maintain my composure as others in the group looked and stared at me. Even as I type it now, my eyes fill. Wounds have healed but scars remain. And there is the wonder of who the Lord has turned me into and the friendships that I now have.

Then yesterday, through blog hopping I ended up at a blog of a fellow church member. And she talked about how her heart broke for her middle school aged son who it sounds like is enduring similar to what I did all through school. I don't even know this family and my heart broke for him. Because I've been there. Because I know. If I could talk with him, I would tell him you'll grow up. You'll find your place over time. You'll have great friends. And stay grounded in the Lord and choose friends who are grounded in the Lord and you'll be amazed at how you are blessed by those friendships. I'd tell him that me the shy and outcast girl in her school ended up marrying the most popular boy in his school! Funny how the Lord works those things out. I'd tell him it really is just a season and that those school years seem like they will go on forever, but they are just a blink. And although his middle school aged youth may keep him from seeing what a mature 42 years allow me to see...I'd tell him what really matters, what really matters most, is who we are in Christ. He is the hope for the outcast.

Just get in....

This post. This post is mostly a picture post. And the pictures, as always, are beautiful. But the first three sentences sink down deep.

"Sometimes you just have to get into the boat. Because getting in the boat comes before you get to walk on water. Every miracle always begins with the first ordinary step of faithfulness." ~ Ann Voskamp

And my heart is heavy and I wonder how many times I pass by the boat or just plain refuse to get in? Am I faithful enough? Am I obedient enough? And what miracles do I miss because I miss the boat?

Oh Jesus, help me today. Help me to just get in the boat. You'll do the rest......

Words in print...

When I was wearing my Micah 6:8 necklace and friends saw it for the first time, they all immediately commented and asked. So I shared where it came from and why Micah 6:8. And it had dawned on me as I had been wearing it and I shared with them that when you wear scripture around your neck...and it's your husband's verse...it's kinda hard to be irritated, aggravated, frustrated, or have anything other than super loving thoughts about your husband. Not that The Bob would ever do anything to irritate or frustrate me ;) As I am a self confessed moody person, I was having a moody moment this past Saturday, and I giggled and said, "I think I need to go put on my Micah 6:8 necklace." After the bear of a stressful day on Tuesday, I was thinking I just needed to take a rope and wear the Bible around my neck. Seriously.

There is just something about words in print. I have recently noticed I can sing worship songs all week long. And I do, in fact, listen to worship and praise music on my iPod almost daily. But put the words in print in front of me on an overhead at church or just looking at lyrics on the computer along with the music....seeing it and verbalizing it...it seeps down into my heart in the crevices that are dry or hurting...and it hydrates and heals...And as I type, I think about reading scripture out loud or just looking at the words meditating....and yes, there is just something about words in print...especially His Word...

For the days in between...

I surely hope I never come across that I think I have arrived or that I have it all together. Because goodness knows, I don't. I. do. not. A good number of posts that go up are my "happy" and "let's make sure I remember this" posts. But there are the days in between. And some of those days are just so ordinary that they are unbloggable. And then there are those days like yesterday. A day that tears run down a good bit of the day. Struggling with the the burdens and weight of life, the consequences of sin that are far reaching in ways you'd never imagine, and struggling with offering grace for that sin. A day of feeling the weight of knowing that I know that Grace personally and why can't I offer it as freely as He offers it to me? Trying to hard to get there.

I read a quote today by Emily Freeman that said, "Grace doesn't balance out...or marry law. And that can be uncomfortable. If grace doesn't in some way and on some level offend you, then perhaps you haven't met Jesus." I had to think about that for a while. I had to let it sink in. And I think maybe I get it now? Grace isn't always fair. Actually, grace may never be fair. Extending grace is hard and uncomfortable. Particularly the kind of grace that Jesus extends to us...to me. But Jesus doesn't call us to comfort. And sometimes we are just plain ole going to have the days in between...the days that hurt...the days that are uncomfortable. And His Love and His Grace are in those days, too...and He will get me to the point that I can extend His Grace to those as undeserving as me.

Yes. His Love and Grace are especially for the days in between.