Remembering Beth

I rarely watch Extreme Make Over Home Edition, but last night I watched it. The new home was for a woman who had a child born prematurely which inspired her to take photographs, really nice artistic type photographs, for people who had preemies. She would spend the day with some people capturing some beautiful pictures of the parents and their child. The children may not always live. There was a mother they interviewed whose child only lived that one day. She talked about how important those pictures were to her because they were proof of that baby's life. They were a physical reminder for not just for the mother but also the world. I cried the whole hour I watched that show. The whole hour.

On Mother's Day 2003, I lost the baby in my womb at 6 months of pregnancy. Heathahlee and I were recently talking about my baby, Beth. I told her I learned that some people view loosing a baby at any point in pregnancy a "miscarriage". Some people will tell you really foolish things like "It was for the best." Some people will even dismiss your pain because the baby was never alive outside your womb. The world, most of my friends, and some family, have moved on. They never think about Beth. They never talk about Beth. But a mother's heart never, never forgets. And not only can my heart not forget, but I have a very special physical reminder in that I have pictures. I have photographs. They are photos done at the hospital...the type that they do with all newborns. I received them in the mail weeks after loosing Beth. The hospital was very tender in my loss. Unless the parent puts on a special outfit for the baby, most newborn photos are done in those "nice" hospital gowns. To my surprise when I received my pictures, the hospital had put Beth in a pretty little white smocked dress. They treated her with all the dignity and specialness that her little life deserved.

At my husband's request, I have not used my family's names on this blog but only our nicknames that we actually go by. But in this situation, I can give my third child's name. I am pleased to do so...

Elizabeth Reagan Stewart

May 2003